New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction; Television game show hosts -- Fiction
"Not for me," Lennox explained patiently. "For a friend who's all the
time worrying about his property. Can't protect it enough. I'm afraid
he's forgot about moths."
"Crazy! Where you want this shipped?"
"Want to take it myself. Can I hire your assistant? Pay five dollars
for five minutes."
"I guess so. Alfred!"
Alfred shambled out of the back of the store and helped Lennox carry
the mothballs to the building where Tooky Ween had his office. They
went up on the freight elevator but were dismayed to discover that
Ween's office was closed for the day and locked.
"What we gone do now?" Alfred asked.
"Never admit defeat," Lennox said. "Go back to freight elevator. Was a
big piece cardboard there. Bring it."
Alfred brought the sheet of corrugated board. Lennox twisted it into a
funnel and inserted the narrow end into the mail slot in Ween's office
door.
"Now open the boxes," Lennox beamed.
Carefully and kindly, they funneled one hundred pounds of mothballs
into Ween's office.
"Won't have to worry about his property again," Lennox said.
He accompanied Alfred back to the hardware store where he purchased
a stapling gun. Then he paid for his four signs, rolled them up and
carried them to Grabinett's office. He nodded to the receptionist,
breezed past her and entered the twisting halls of the rat-nest. There
was no traffic. Lennox stopped, measured with his eye, and stapled the
first six by three sign to the wall. In garish red and black letters it
read:
40 FEET 40
TO THE OFFICE OF
_MELVIN GRABINETT_
The Man
of
V*i*s*i*o*n*!
Lennox went ten feet down the hall and stapled the next sign to the
wall:
ONLY 30 FEET MORE
TO THE OFFICE OF
_MELVIN GRABINETT_
The Showman's
S*h*o*w*m*a*n
At the corner of the hall he stapled:
NEXT RIGHT TURN
TO THE OFFICE OF
M G
E R
L A
V B
I I
N N
E
T
T
Alongside Grabinett's door he affixed the last sign:
O*F*F*I*C*E
O*F
MELVIN (BLINKY) GRABINETT
"Secret acts of kindness performed by stealth," Lennox murmured and
returned to the hardware store. "I need Alfred again," he said.
"What! More mothballs?"
"No. Got a hungry friend needs taking care of. Give me Alfred."
"He ain't gonna eat me, is he?" Alfred inquired.
Lennox beamed, patted Alfred and gave him another five dollars. He also
gave him the stapling gun, warning him that it was loaded. Then he
took him to a grocers and bought every package of Jello in the store.
They were packed into a carton which Alfred carried behind Lennox who
conducted him to the network building and up to the twentieth floor. It
was empty. They went into Audibon's office and put the carton down.
"They sure let you in easy," Alfred said.
Lennox nodded complacently and opened the door to Audibon's private
bath. He ran the hot water in the wash basin until it came out
scalding.
"What flavor would my hungry friend like in his toilet, Alfred?" he
asked genially.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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