"I have agreed with many people who think that Ward should be in some trade or writing books. But I don't know about it. He has a special kind of mind, and, rightly used, he would make an excellent teacher of mental science. In one way of looking at it his life is wasted. But if he refreshes and cheers other people as he does me, I can't see how he could make a better investment of his life. I smile and smile here as one by one the crowd passes me to shake hands, until it is a week before my face gets straight. But it is a duty. _I could defeat our whole army to-morrow by looking glum at a reception or by refusing to smile for three consecutive hours._[2] Ward says he carries a bottle of sunshine in 'the other pocket,' to treat his friends. I like that idea. [2] The italics are the author's.--ED. "Ward is dreadfully misunderstood by a lot of dull people. They insist on taking him seriously. An old lady in Baltimore held me up one night after I had told some of Artemus Ward's remarks, and she may not have forgiven me yet. I told his tale of the rich land out in Iowa, where the farmer threw a cucumber seed as far as he could and started out on a run for his house. But the cucumber vine overtook him and he found a seed cucumber in his pocket. "At that the old lady opened her eyes and mouth, but made no remark. Once more I tried her, by telling how Ward knew a lady who went for a porous plaster and the druggist told her to place it anywhere on her trunk. Not having a trunk or box in the house, she put it on her bandbox, and the next day reported that it was so powerful that it drew her pink bonnet all out of shape. "That was more than the conscientious old saint could stand, and after supper she called me aside and told me that I ought to know that man Ward, or whoever it was, 'was an out-and-out liar.' "That makes me think of a colored preacher who worked here on the grounds through the week, and who loved the deep waters of theology in which he floundered daily. One evening I asked him why he did not laugh on Sunday, and when he said it was because it was 'suthin' frivlus,' I told him that the Bible said God laughed. "The old man came to the door several days after that and said, 'Marse Linkum, I've been totin' dat yar Bible saying "God larfed," and I've 'cluded dat it mus' jes' tak' a joke as big as der universe ter mak God larf. Dar ain't no sech jokes roun' dis yere White House on Sunday.'