But he kept on larfin till he was black in the face, when he fell over on to the bunk where the hostler sleeps, and in a still small voice sed, "Twins!" I ashure you gents that the grass didn't grow under my feet on my way home, & I was follered by a enthoosiastic throng of my feller sitterzens, who hurrard for Old Ward at the top of their voises. I found the house chock full of peple. Thare was Mis Square Baxter and her three grown-up darters, lawyer Perkinses wife, Taberthy Ripley, young Eben Parsuns, Deakun Simmuns folks, the Skoolmaster, Doctor Jordin, etsetterry, etsetterry. Mis Ward was in the west room, which jines the kitchen. Mis Square Baxter was mixin suthin in a dipper before the kitchin fire, & a small army of female wimin were rushin wildly round the house with bottles of camfire, peaces of flannil, &c. I never seed such a hubbub in my natral born dase. I cood not stay in the west room only a minit, so strung up was my feelins, so I rusht out and ceased my dubbel barrild gun. "What upon airth ales the man?" sez Taberthy Ripley. "Sakes alive, what air you doin?" & she grabd me by the coat tales. "What's the matter with you?" she continnerd. "Twins, marm," sez I, "twins!" "I know it," sez she, coverin her pretty face with her aprun. "Wall," sez I, "that's what's the matter with me!" "Wall, put down that air gun, you pesky old fool," sed she. "No, marm," sez I, "this is a Nashunal day. The glory of this here day isn't confined to Baldinsville by a darn site. On yonder woodshed," sed I, drawin myself up to my full hite and speakin in a show actin voice, "will I fire a Nashunal saloot!" sayin whitch I tared myself from her grasp and rusht to the top of the shed whare I blazed away until Square Baxter's hired man and my son Artemus Juneyer cum and took me down by mane force. On returnin to the Kitchin I found quite a lot of peple seated be4 the fire, a talkin the event over. They made room for me & I sot down. "Quite a eppisode," sed Docter Jordin, litin his pipe with a red-hot coal. "Yes," sed I, "2 eppisodes, waying abowt 18 pounds jintly." "A perfeck coop de tat," sed the skoolmaster. "E pluribus unum, in proprietor persony," sed I, thinking I'd let him know I understood furrin langwidges as well as he did, if I wasn't a skoolmaster. "It is indeed a momentious event," sed young Eben Parsuns, who has been 2 quarters to the Akademy. "I never heard twins called by that name afore," sed I, "But I spose it's all rite." "We shall soon have Wards enuff," sed the editer of the Baldinsville _Bugle of Liberty_, who was lookin over a bundle of exchange papers in the corner, "to apply to the legislater for a City Charter!" "Good for you, old man!" sed I; "giv that air a conspickius place in the next _Bugle_." "How redicklus," sed pretty Susan Fletcher, coverin her face with her knittin work & larfin like all possest.