_Sir Geo._ Why, you impudent dog-fish!--upbraid me for running into false bay, when you were my pilot? Wasn't it you, even brought me the false clergyman that performed the sham marriage with Amelia? _John._ Yes, you think so; but I took care to bring you a real clergyman. _Sir Geo._ But is this a time or place for your lectures? At home, abroad, sea, or land, you will still badger me! mention my Wild Oats again and--you scoundrel, since the night my bedcurtains took fire, when you were my boatswain aboard the Eagle, you've got me quite into leading strings--you snatched me upon deck, and tossed me into the sea,--to save me from being burnt, I was almost drowned. _John._ You would but for me-- _Sir Geo._ Yes, you dragged me out by the ear, like a waterdog--last week, 'cause you found the tenth bottle uncorked, you rushed in among my friends, and ran away with me; and, next morning Captain O'Shanaghan sends me a challenge for quitting the company, when he was in the chair! so, to save me from a headach, you'd like to've got my brains blown out. _John._ Oh, very well; be burnt in your bed, and tumble in the water, by jumping into boats, like a tight fellow as you are, and poison yourself with sloe juice; see if John cares a piece of mouldy biscuit about it. But I wish you hadn't made me your valet de shamber. No sooner was I got on shore, after five years dashing among rocks, shoals, and breakers, than you sets me on a high-trotting cart horse, which knockt me up and down like an old bomb-boat in the Bay of Biscay, and here's nothing to drink after all! Because at home you keep open house, you think every body else does the same. _Sir Geo._ Why, by sailing into this strange port, we may be more free than welcome. _John._ Holla! I'll never cease piping, 'till it calls up a drop to wet my whistle. [_Exit._ _Sir Geo._ Yes, (as John Dory remarks) I fear my trip through life will be attended with heavy squalls and foul weather. When my conduct to poor Amelia comes athwart my mind, it's a hurricane for that day, and turn in at night, the ballad of "Margaret and William," rings in my ear. [_Sings._] "In glided Margaret's grimly ghost." Oh, zounds! the dismals are coming upon me, and can't get a cheering glass to--holloa! _Enter_ EPHRAIM SMOOTH. _Eph._ Friend, what would'st thou have? _Sir Geo._ Grog. _Eph._ Neither man nor woman of that name abideth here. _Sir Geo._ Ha, ha, ha! man and woman! then if you'll bring me Mr. Brandy and Mrs. Water, we'll couple them, and the first child probably will be Master Grog. _Eph._ Thou dost speak in parables, which I understand not. _Sir Geo._ Sheer off with your sanctified poop, and send the gentleman of the house. _Eph._ The owner of this mansion is a maiden, and she approacheth. _Enter_ LADY AMARANTH. _Lady Am._ Do I behold?--It is! how dost thou uncle? _Sir Geo._ Is it possible you can be my niece, Lady Maria Amaranth Thunder?