THE MAN FROM SQUASHOPOLIS 40-49 _By Harry L. Newton_ THE PACIFIC SLOPE 49-60 _By Harry L. Newton_ WOULDN’T GOLF DIALECT DO? 60-62 SOME WESTERN STORIES 62-64 HAPPENINGS IN KEROSENELAMPVILLE 64-67 BITS OF VERSE AND PROSE 68-72 _By Edwards & Ronney_ RAPID FIRE 73-85 _By Harry L. Newton_ “A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME” 86 AN ORIGINAL HABEAS CORPUS CASE 87-89 LI HUNG CHANG’S JOKE 89 FIFTEEN MINUTES WITH A PLAYWRIGHT 90-95 _By Harry L. Newton_ POPULAR SONGS APPROPRIATELY APPLIED 96 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ WILL ROSSITER’S Original Talkalogues Well, well! here we are again! I just did manage to get here on time, too. I never thought I’d be able to do it in the world. My wife and I were out riding in our automobile, and we got into a heated argument as to which of us was the better chauffeur. During the excitement of the argument we both neglected to hold the lines of the automobile, and it shied at a piece of paper and ran away. Instinct told us both to make a grab, I for the lever and she for my hair. Just then the automobile struck the curb-stone, and my wife and I had a “falling out.” [Illustration: My wife and I had a “falling out.” ] There I was, several miles from the theater, with a broken-down automobile and an angry wife that wouldn’t speak to me. Wasn’t that suffering for you? I felt sure that I could make it to the theater all right, but I didn’t know whether I’d have time to “make up” or not. This trying to please a woman is a tough game. I tell you, ladies, the trouble is the men don’t know just how to take their wives. Now I took mine in an automobile, and it turned out a frost. Maybe if I had taken her in a wheelbarrow she’d have thought it delightful—still, I doubt it. But I wasn’t married always; I was an American citizen once myself. I say American citizen once, because an American citizen prides himself that he is under no tyrannical ruler, enjoys liberty and the fact that he can do as he pleases. Therefore, a married man can’t be an American citizen.