Dick: O, quit your kidding! I want to ask you something serious— Tom: I don’t get paid until Saturday. Dick: O, I don’t want money. I have a plenty of that. Tom: My goodness! How long since? Dick: I want you to understand that I am very well off. Tom: Yes; you’re away off. (Taps forehead.) Dick: That’ll do you! Tom: But I knew the time when a bean sandwich looked like a week’s board to you. Dick: Well, you needn’t tell everybody here about it—that’s my misfortune. Tom: I won’t say a word. But if you don’t behave I’ll tell everybody here that I loaned you a shirt, till you get yours from the laundry— Dick: Say, please keep— Tom: O, I won’t breathe it, don’t worry; and I won’t say a word about you wearing my collar and tie, either— Dick (angrily): See here— Tom: O, shavings! Don’t get angry! Dick: Well, then, listen and be serious. I have written a play— Tom: Thirty days and costs. Dick (sarcastically): I suppose you think you could write one. Tom: I did write one; I wrote a melodrama. Dick: A melodrama, eh? Was anybody killed? Tom: No; the audience yelled for the author, but I wouldn’t come out. Dick: Ha! Ha! It’s a good thing that you didn’t. Now in my first act— Tom: Say, did you ever hear the story about my coal-bin? Dick: No; is it a good one? Tom: No; there’s nothing in it. Dick: O, behave! In my first act I— Tom: Say, a fellow asked me to-day if he would have to take a course in a barber-school before he could shave ice at a soda-water counter. Dick: O, behave! In the first act I have introduced a— Tom: A piece of cheese. Dick: Yes; a piece of cheese—no; nothing of the sort. The idea! Tom: What’s the best way to catch a rat? Dick: I suppose there are several ways. What is the best way to catch a rat? Tom: Crawl in a pantry and smell like a piece of cheese. Dick: Will you behave? I heard you had been speculating on the board of trade? Tom: Yes; I was a speculator. Dick: What were you, a bull or a bear? Tom: Neither. They made a monkey out of me. Dick: Serves you right! In the first act— Tom: Say, are you still in the first act? Dick: Certainly. Why don’t you let me go on? Tom: O, go on; I don’t care what happens. Dick: Well, in the first act, I have written— Tom: You have written home for money. Dick: Yes, I have written home—no, nothing of the sort. Tom: Not guilty? Dick: Not guilty; my folks haven’t seen my face in four months. Tom: My goodness! Why don’t you wash it? Dick: Now, stop it, I tell you! In the first act— Tom: Why is a cascaret? Dick: Why is a cascaret what? Tom: Because it works while you sleep. Dick: For goodness sake! is that a joke? Tom: I should say so. It’s one of the best I ever traveled with. Dick: Then you don’t travel with much, do you? Tom: No; I generally travel with you. Dick: O, behave, you rascal! Tom: Say, do you know what? Dick: No; what? Tom: What is worse than a giraffe with a sore throat? Dick: Why, I can’t imagine anything worse. What is worse?