Tom: No; I hung up my watch on the inside of a pawnshop. Dick: Well, don’t worry—a man should be satisfied with what he has. Tom: O, I’m satisfied with what I have. It’s what I haven’t got that causes most of my dissatisfaction. Dick: You look well. That ought to help some. Tom: I just returned from taking a water cure. Dick: Did you derive any benefit from the water? Tom: I don’t know. You see the water was in a well, and I think the exercise I got going to the well helped me. Dick: Why, was the well a long way off? Tom: Yes; you see I was far from well. Dick: O, behave! In the first act— Tom: Is your play funny? Dick: Yes; every hearty laugh adds a day to a person’s life, you know. Tom: I don’t believe it. Dick: Why not? Tom: I laughed yesterday when a guy slipped on a banana peel, and I’ll bet he kicked ten days off of my life, all right. Dick: Well, you only got what was coming to you. Now the first act— Tom: Here’s a funny thing. Dick: What’s that? Tom: Why, night falls but it doesn’t break. Dick: Well, what, of it? Tom: O, nothing, except that day breaks but it doesn’t fall. Dick: O, behave! Tom: My landlady forgot this morning and helped me to a second piece of steak. Dick: That was luck. Tom: Yes, tough luck. Dick: O, behave! I see that Kid McCoy says he’s willing to meet any man in the world for any amount of money. Tom: So am I. Dick: So are you? Why, the idea! Ha, ha! That makes me laugh. Tom: Laugh away; but I’ll meet any man in the world for any amount of money, any old time. Dick: You will? Tom: Yes, I will. J. P. Morgan preferred. Dick: Good! You’re all right. Well, in the first act the heroine is discovered asleep in a snow-bank. Tom: Then she must have cold feet. Dick: Yes, she has cold—no, she hasn’t got cold feet. Tom: O, she has a hot-water bag on her feet? Dick: Yes, she has, of course—no, she hasn’t either. The heroine is discovered asleep in a snow-bank and the villain comes on and— Tom: And she wakes up and gives him the “frozen face.” Dick: Yes, now you’ve got it—O, behave! Tom: Say, my old maid sister found a man under her bed last night. Dick: Is that so? What did she do, send for a policeman? Tom: No; she sent for a minister. Dick: O, behave! Tom: I ain’t going to church any more. Dick: Not going to church? Why, what’s the reason? Tom: I’m sore at the minister. Dick: What about? Tom: When my brother died the minister said he had gone to join the great majority. Dick: Well, what’s wrong with that? That’s simply an expression: “Gone to join the great majority.” Tom: Yes, but two weeks ago he said that more people went down below than there were up above. Wouldn’t that jingle your small change? Dick: I understand your brother was a hard drinker? Tom: Yes; his habits were a little moist. Dick: Moist? Tom: Yes, he kept pretty well soaked. Dick: The idea! In the first— Tom: Gee! but my father was late in getting home last night. Dick: What made him late?