The hero walks in upon her invitation; she seats herself upon his entering, and, with a scream, faints upon his departure. Again quick curtain. ACT IV Scene 1: Same as Act III. Heroine discovered in a pensive mood and an expensive gown. Enter villain without knocking. He is no “knocker,” though he be a villain. “I have come for me answer!” “Will you have it wrapped up?” she answers, a la Siegel-Cooper, and, seizing a glass of wine, she dashes it in the villain’s face. “Car-r-se the luck!” he yells. “The drinks are on me.” Slow curtain to give the villain time to put on dry clothes for Act V. * * * * * Now, instead of an elapse of nine years between acts four and five, I have written the play in nine acts. That ought to prove an innovation. Between acts seven and eight another innovation: coffee and rolls will be served. The ushers will pass hot coffee and the curtain will come down with a roll. Between acts eight and nine morning papers will be distributed, and the milkmen will be admitted free. Now comes Act V. * * * * * ACT V Scene: Home of The Mouse. He is discovered trying to get into the ice-box for something to eat. Enter Chasem Cheese, the brave detective. The Mouse is surprised at the entrance of Cheese. Desperate struggle. The Mouse seizes a keg of gunpowder, hurls it at Cheese and blows him into a thousand pieces. But Cheese will not give up. Startling and thrilling climax: A piece of Cheese chases The Mouse off the stage to quick music. * * * * * That’s as far as I can get. That finish to Act V is so strong I don’t know what to do for the other four acts. A piece of cheese chasing a mouse has got anything beat that I ever heard of in a drama. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ WHAT SONGS ARE POPULAR IN— Philadelphia: “Please Go ’Way and Let Me Sleep.” Kentucky: “Trouble.” Kansas: “I Guess I’ll Have to Go, ’Cause I Think It’s Going to Rain.” Chicago: “Blue, Blew, Blew.” Milwaukee: “Down Where the Wurzburger Flows.” New Orleans: “Creole Belles.” Coney Island: “My Water Lou.” Sing Sing: “A Bird in a Gilded Cage.” APPROPRIATE SONGS FOR— Earl of Yarmouth to Alice Thaw (before marriage): “Can’t Live on Love.” (After marriage): “Home Ain’t Nothin’ Like This.” Grover Cleveland: “If Time Was Money I’d Be a Millionaire.” J. P. Morgan: “Hello, Central, Give Me Heaven.” Andrew Carnegie: “My Money Never Gives Out.” Wm. J. Bryan: “If I But Knew.” Jeffries to Corbett: “Just Kiss Yourself Good-By.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Illustration] It astounds! and then some! HAIR RAISING!