England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; English fiction -- 19th century
"I will try to tell you," replied Rosamund. "It was that picture,
'Sanctuary,' that began it. When I first saw it, it gave me a shock.
You know how I have always thought of him--an artist living for his own
idea of art, painting just as he liked, what pleased him, without
caring for the public taste. I got enthusiastic; and when I saw that he
seemed to care for my opinion and my praise--of course all the rest
followed. He told me about his life as an art student--Paris, Rome, all
that; and it was my ideal of romance. He was very poor, sometimes so
poor that he hardly had enough to eat, and this made me proud of him,
for I felt sure he could have got money if he would have condescended
to do inferior work. Of course, as I too was poor, we could not think
of marrying before his position improved. At last he painted
'Sanctuary.' He told me nothing about it. I came and saw it on the
easel, nearly finished. And--this is the shocking thing--I pretended to
admire it. I was astonished, pained--yet I had the worldliness to smile
and praise. There's the fault of my character. At that moment, truth
and courage were wanted, and I had neither. The dreadful thing is to
think that he degraded himself on my account. If I had said at once
what I thought, he would have confessed--would have told me that
impatience had made him untrue to himself. And from that day; oh, this
is the worst of all, Bertha--he has adapted himself to what he thinks
my lower mind and lower aims; he has consciously debased himself, out
of thought for me. Horrible! Of course he believes in his heart that I
was a hypocrite before. The astonishing thing is that this didn't cause
him to turn cold to me. He must have felt that, but somehow he overcame
it. All the worse! The very fact that he still cared for me shows how
bad my influence has been. I feel that I have wrecked his life,
Bertha--and yet I cannot give him my own, to make some poor sort of
amends."
Bertha was listening with a face that changed from puzzled interest to
wondering confusion.
"Good gracious!" she exclaimed when the speaker ceased. "Is it possible
to get into such entanglements of reasoning about what one thinks and
feels? It's beyond me. Oh they're bringing the tea. Perhaps a cup of
tea will clear my wits."
Rosamund at once began to speak of the landscape by Leader, which hung
near them, and continued to do so even after the servant had withdrawn.
Her companion was silent, smiling now and then in an absent way. They
sipped tea.
"The tea is doing me so much good," Bertha said, "I begin to feel equal
to the most complicated reflections. And so you really believe that Mr.
Franks is on the way to perdition, and that you are the cause of it?"
Rosamund did not reply. She had half averted her look; her brows were
knit in an expression of trouble; she bit her lower lip. A moment
passed, and--
"Suppose we go into the garden," she said, rising. "Don't you feel it a
little close here?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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