In one respect fortune was kind to him; he was able, within a week or
two of his return to London, to get rid of the lease of the haunted
little flat in Bloomsbury. The place was dreadful to him, with its
empty demand for Griselda, and he left it thankfully for a lodging in
Camden Town. There for some weeks he lived drearily in two small rooms,
with no occupation to fill up the void in his life, passing hermit days
in the company of newspapers and poring over cheap war literature; he
bought many newspapers and much war literature and aroused the sympathy
of his elderly landlady by his helplessness and continual loneliness.
What kept him alive mentally was his thirsty interest in the war;
anything and everything that dealt with it was grist to his mill, and he
acquired necessarily in the course of his eager reading some smattering
of European history and the outlines of European geography. The pamphlet
and journal soon ceased to satisfy, and he felt the need of
supplementing their superficial comments and sketchy allusions by
reading that was not up-to-date. A newspaper denunciation of the
Silesian policy of Frederick the Great led him to Macaulay and others on
the Kaiser’s ancestor, and references to the Franco-German War resulted
in the borrowing from the nearest Free Library of a volume of modern
French history. One volume led on to others and the local librarian
came to know him as a regular client.
His reading was haphazard, but perhaps, for that reason, all the more
informative and illuminating. So far he had acquired such small learning
as he possessed on a definite and narrow plan, assimilating only such
facts as squared with his theories and rejecting all the others; where
his new studies were concerned the very blankness of his ignorance was a
guarantee of freedom from prejudice. He stumbled amongst facts and
opinions, making little of them and yet making much—since for the first
time in his life there was no glib mentor to guide him and he was thrown
on his own resources. With his theories demolished and his mind blank
as a child’s, he became aware of phases of human idea and striving of
which he had known nothing in the past, and the resulting comprehension
of the existence of spheres outside his own increased his sense of the
impossibility of his previous classification of mankind into the
well-intentioned and the evil. His own experience had shown him that
there might be at least a third class—the ignorant, the mistaken, to
which he, William Tully, belonged—and his reading, by its very
vagueness, confirmed that personal experience. As he floundered through
histories, bewildered and at random, he realized dizzily, but none the
less surely, something of the vast and terrifying complexity of these
human problems upon which he had once pronounced himself with the
certainty of absolute ignorance.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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