_Mons. Jarni!_ do you tink beards are as easy to be had as in the playhouses? non; but if here be no the ugly long Spanish beard, here are, I am certain, the ugly long Spanish ear. _Hip._ That's very true, ha! ha! ha! _Mons._ Auh de ingrate, dat de woman is! wen we poor men are your gallants, you laugh at us yourselves, and wen we are your husband, you make all the world laugh at us, _jarni!_--Love, dam love, it makes the man more ridicule, than poverty, poetry, or a new title of honour, _jarni!_ _Enter_ Don DIEGO _and_ Mrs. CAUTION. _Don._ What! at your _jarnis_ still? _voto!_ _Mons._ Why, _oncle_, you are at your _votos_ still. _Don._ Nay, I'll allow you to be at your _votos_ too, but not to make the incongruous match of Spanish doublet, and French pantaloons. [_Holding his hat before his pantaloons._ _Mons._ Nay, pray, dear _oncle_, let me unite France and Spain; 'tis the mode of France now, _jarni, voto!_ _Don._ Well, I see I must pronounce: I told you, if you were not dressed in the Spanish habit to-night, you should not marry my daughter to-morrow, look you. _Mons._ Well! am I not _habillé_ in de Spanish habit? my doublet, ear and hat, leg and feet, are Spanish, that dey are. _Don._ I told you I was a Spanish _positivo, voto!_ _Mons._ Will you not spare my pantaloon! begar, I will give you one little finger to excuse my pantaloon, da-- _Don._ I have said, look you. _Mons._ Auh, _cher_ pantaloons! Speak for my pantaloons, cousin. My poor pantaloons are as dear to me as de scarf to de countree capitane, or de new-made officer: therefore have de compassion for my pantaloons, Don Diego, _mon oncle. Hélas! hélas! hélas!_ [_Kneels._ _Don._ I have said, look you, your dress must be Spanish, and your language English: I am _un positivo_. _Mons._ And must speak base good English too! Ah! _la pitié! hélas!_ _Don._ It must be done; and I will see this great change ere it be dark, _voto!_--Your time is not long; look to't, look you. _Mons. Hélas! hélas! hélas!_ dat _Espagne_ should conquer _la France_ in England! _Hélas! hélas! hélas!_ [_Exit._ _Don._ You see what pains I take to make him the more agreeable to you, daughter. _Hip._ But indeed, and indeed, father, you wash the blackamoor white, in endeavouring to make a Spaniard of a monsieur, nay, an English monsieur too; consider that, father: for when once they have taken the French _plie_ (as they call it) they are never to be made so much as Englishmen again, I have heard say. _Don._ What! I warrant you are like the rest of the young silly baggages of England, that like nothing but what is French? You would not have him reformed, you would have a monsieur to your husband, would you, _cuerno_? _Hip._ No, indeed, father, I would not have a monsieur to my husband; not I indeed: and I am sure you'll never make my cousin otherwise. _Don._ I warrant you.