_Horn._ Nay, you country gentlemen, rather than not purchase, will buy anything; and he is a cracked title, if we may quibble. Well, but am I to give thee joy? I heard thou wert married. _Pinch._ What then? _Horn._ Why, the next thing that is to be heard, is, thou'rt a cuckold. _Pinch._ Insupportable name! [_Aside._ _Horn._ But I did not expect marriage from such a whoremaster as you; one that knew the town so much, and women so well. _Pinch._ Why, I have married no London wife. _Horn._ Pshaw! that's all one. That grave circumspection in marrying a country wife, is like refusing a deceitful pampered Smithfield jade, to go and be cheated by a friend in the country. _Pinch._ [_Aside._] A pox on him and his simile!--[_Aloud._] At least we are a little surer of the breed there, know what her keeping has been, whether foiled or unsound. _Horn._ Come, come, I have known a clap gotten in Wales; and there are cousins, justices' clerks, and chaplains in the country, I won't say coachmen. But she's handsome and young? _Pinch._ [_Aside._] I'll answer as I should do.--[_Aloud._] No, no; she has no beauty but her youth, no attraction but her modesty: wholesome, homely, and huswifely; that's all. _Dor._ He talks as like a grazier as he looks. _Pinch._ She's too awkward, ill-favoured, and silly to bring to town. _Har._ Then methinks you should bring her to be taught breeding. _Pinch._ To be taught! no, sir, I thank you. Good wives and private soldiers should be ignorant--I'll keep her from your instructions, I warrant you. _Har._ The rogue is as jealous as if his wife were not ignorant. [_Aside._ _Horn._ Why, if she be ill-favoured, there will be less danger here for you than by leaving her in the country. We have such variety of dainties that we are seldom hungry. _Dor._ But they have always coarse, constant, swingeing stomachs in the country. _Har._ Foul feeders indeed! _Dor._ And your hospitality is great there. _Har._ Open house; every man's welcome. _Pinch._ So, so, gentlemen. _Horn._ But prithee, why shouldst thou marry her? If she be ugly, ill-bred, and silly, she must be rich then. _Pinch._ As rich as if she brought me twenty thousand pound out of this town; for she'll be as sure not to spend her moderate portion, as a London baggage would be to spend hers, let it be what it would: so 'tis all one. Then, because she's ugly, she's the likelier to be my own; and being ill-bred, she'll hate conversation; and since silly and innocent, will not know the difference betwixt a man of one-and-twenty and one of forty. _Horn._ Nine--to my knowledge. But if she be silly, she'll expect as much from a man of forty-nine, as from him of one-and-twenty. But methinks wit is more necessary than beauty; and I think no young woman ugly that has it, and no handsome woman agreeable without it. _Pinch._ 'Tis my maxim, he's a fool that marries; but he's a greater that does not marry a fool. What is wit in a wife good for, but to make a man a cuckold?