_Mrs. Pinch._ "For Mr. Horner."--So, I am glad he has told me his name. Dear Mr. Horner! but why should I send thee such a letter that will vex thee, and make thee angry with me?--Well, I will not send it.--Ay, but then my husband will kill me--for I see plainly he won't let me love Mr. Horner--but what care I for my husband?--I won't, so I won't, send poor Mr. Horner such a letter--But then my husband--but oh, what if I writ at bottom my husband made me write it?--Ay, but then my husband would see't--Can one have no shift? ah, a London woman would have had a hundred presently. Stay--what if I should write a letter, and wrap it up like this, and write upon't too? Ay, but then my husband would see't--I don't know what to do.--But yet evads I'll try, so I will--for I will not send this letter to poor Mr. Horner, come what will on't. "Dear, sweet Mr. Horner"--[_Writes and repeats what she writes._]--so--"my husband would have me send you a base, rude, unmannerly letter; but I won't"--so--"and would have me forbid you loving me; but I won't"--so--"and would have me say to you, I hate you, poor Mr. Horner; but I won't tell a lie for him"--there--"for I'm sure if you and I were in the country at cards together"--so--"I could not help treading on your toe under the table"--so--"or rubbing knees with you, and staring in your face, till you saw me"--very well--"and then looking down, and blushing for an hour together"--so--"but I must make haste before my husband comes: and now he has taught me to write letters, you shall have longer ones from me, who am, dear, dear, poor, dear Mr. Horner, your most humble friend, and servant to command till death,--Margery Pinchwife." Stay, I must give him a hint at bottom--so--now wrap it up just like t'other--so--now write "For Mr. Horner"--But oh now, what shall I do with it? for here comes my husband. _Re-enter_ PINCHWIFE. _Pinch._ [_Aside._] I have been detained by a sparkish coxcomb, who pretended a visit to me; but I fear 'twas to my wife--[_Aloud._] What, have you done? _Mrs. Pinch._ Ay, ay, bud, just now. _Pinch._ Let's see't: what d'ye tremble for? what, you would not have it go? _Mrs. Pinch._ Here--[_Aside._] No, I must not give him that: so I had been served if I had given him this. [_He opens and reads the first letter._ _Pinch._ Come, where's the wax and seal? _Mrs. Pinch._ [_Aside._] Lord, what shall I do now? Nay, then I have it--[_Aloud._] Pray let me see't. Lord, you think me so arrant a fool, I cannot seal a letter; I will do't, so I will. [_Snatches the letter from him, changes it for the other, seals it, and delivers it to him._ _Pinch._ Nay, I believe you will learn that, and other things too, which I would not have you. _Mrs. Pinch._ So, han't I done it curiously[77]?--[_Aside._] I think I have; there's my letter going to Mr. Horner, since he'll needs have me send letters to folks. _Pinch._ 'Tis very well; but I warrant, you would not have it go now?