_Horn._ Do not take it ill, I cannot make china for you all, but I will have a roll-waggon for you too, another time. _Mrs. Squeam._ Thank you, dear toad. _L. Fid._ What do you mean by that promise? [_Aside to_ HORNER. _Horn._ Alas, she has an innocent, literal understanding. [_Aside to_ Lady FIDGET. _L. Squeam._ Poor Mr. Horner! he has enough to do to please you all, I see. _Horn._ Ay, madam, you see how they use me. _L. Squeam._ Poor gentleman, I pity you. _Horn._ I thank you, madam: I could never find pity, but from such reverend ladies as you are; the young ones will never spare a man. _Mrs. Squeam._ Come, come, beast, and go dine with us; for we shall want a man at ombre after dinner. _Horn._ That's all their use of me, madam, you see. _Mrs. Squeam._ Come, sloven, I'll lead you, to be sure of you. [_Pulls him by the cravat._ _L. Squeam._ Alas, poor man, how she tugs him! Kiss, kiss her; that's the way to make such nice women quiet. _Horn._ No, madam, that remedy is worse than the torment; they know I dare suffer anything rather than do it. _L. Squeam._ Prithee kiss her, and I'll give you her picture in little, that you admired so last night; prithee do. _Horn._ Well, nothing but that could bribe me: I love a woman only in effigy, and good painting as much as I hate them.--I'll do't, for I could adore the devil well painted. [_Kisses_ Mrs. SQUEAMISH. _Mrs. Squeam._ Foh, you filthy toad! nay, now I've done jesting. _L. Squeam._ Ha! ha I ha! I told you so. _Mrs. Squeam._ Foh! a kiss of his-- _Sir Jasp._ Has no more hurt in't than one of my spaniel's. _Mrs. Squeam._ Nor no more good neither. _Quack._ I will now believe anything he tells me. [_Aside._ _Enter_ PINCHWIFE. _L. Fid._ O lord, here's a man! Sir Jasper, my mask, my mask! I would not be seen here for the world. _Sir Jasp._ What, not when I am with you? _L. Fid._ No, no, my honour--let's be gone. _Mrs. Squeam._ Oh grandmother, let's be gone; make haste, make haste, I know not how he may censure us. _L. Fid._ Be found in the lodging of anything like a man!--Away. [_Exeunt_ Sir JASPER FIDGET, Lady FIDGET, Old Lady SQUEAMISH, _and_ Mrs. SQUEAMISH. _Quack._ What's here? another cuckold? he looks like one, and none else sure have any business with him. [_Aside._ _Horn._ Well, what brings my dear friend hither? _Pinch._ Your impertinency. _Horn._ My impertinency!--why, you gentlemen that have got handsome wives, think you have a privilege of saying anything to your friends, and are as brutish as if you were our creditors. _Pinch._ No, sir, I'll ne'er trust you any way. _Horn._ But why not, dear Jack? why diffide in me thou know'st so well? _Pinch._ Because I do know you so well. _Horn._ Han't I been always thy friend, honest Jack, always ready to serve thee, in love or battle, before thou wert married, and am so still? _Pinch._ I believe so, you would be my second now, indeed.