The world is for the young--it belongs to them, and time makes us ugly,
and despised, and solitary, and prepares for our unregretted removal,
for nature has ordained that death shall trouble the pleasure and
economy of the vigorous, high-spirited world as little as may be.
Mamma was more grieved, a great deal, than I at all expected. I am
writing now in solitude, and from my interior convictions, under a sort
of obligation to tell, not only nothing but the truth, but the whole
truth also; and I confess that mamma was selfish, and, in a degree,
exacting. The education of her whole married life had tended to form
those habits; but she was also affectionate, and her grief was vehement,
and did not subside, as I thought it would, after its first outburst.
The only practical result of her grief was a determination to visit the
house, and see the remains of the poor lady.
I never could understand the comfort that some people seem to derive
from contemplating such a spectacle! To me the sight is simply shocking.
Mamma made it a point, however, that I should accompany her. She could
not make up her mind to go that day. The next day Doctor Droqville
called. Mamma saw him. After they had talked for a little, mamma
declared her intention of seeing poor Lady Lorrimer as she lay in her
bed.
"Allow me to advise you, as a physician, to do no such thing," said
Droqville. "You'll inflict a great deal of pain on yourself, and do
nobody any good."
"But unless I see her once more I shall be miserable," pleaded mamma.
"You have not nerve for such scenes," he replied; "you'd not be yourself
again for a month after."
I joined my entreaties to Doctor Droqville's representations, and I
thought we had finally prevailed over mamma's facile will.
He gave us a brief account of Lady Lorrimer's illness and last moments,
and then talked on other subjects; finally he said, "You told me you
wished me to return a bracelet that does not answer, to St. Aumand, when
I pass again through Paris. I find I shall be there in a few days--can
you let me have it now?"
Mamma's maid was out, so she went to get it herself, and, while she was
away, Doctor Droqville said to me, with rather a stern look:
"Don't you allow her to go; your mamma has a form of the same affection
of the heart. We can't tell her that; but quiet nerves are essential to
her. She touches the spring of the mischief, and puts it in action at
any moment by agitating herself."
"I think she has given up that intention," I answered; "but for Heaven's
sake, Doctor Droqville, tell me, is mamma in any danger?"
"No, if she will only keep quiet. She may live for many years to come;
but every woman, of course, who has a weakness of the kind, may kill
herself easily and quickly; but--I hear her--don't allow her to go."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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