Courtship -- Fiction; Florida -- Fiction; Humorous stories; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction; Treasure troves -- Fiction
"I--I've only a .34-caliber automatic with me," says the Lieutenant,
reachin' into his side pocket.
"Well, you don't want a machine-gun, do you?" says I. "And don't go
shootin' reckless. Here, lemme get on the other side. Close to the
house, now, on the grass, until we can get a peek around the--"
"S-s-s-sh!" says Cecil, grippin' my arm. He was strong on shushin' me
up, the Lieutenant was. This time, though, he had the right dope; for a
few steps more and we got a view of the back porch.
And there are the two maids, hand in hand, watchin' the motions of the
squatty gent, who is unlockin' the summer-house. He disappears inside.
At that Cecil just has to cut loose. Before I can stop him, he's stepped
out, pulled his gun, and is wavin' it at the two females.
"I say, now! Hands up! No nonsense," he orders.
"Howly saints!" wails the square-built party, clutchin' the slim one
desperate. "Maggie! Maggie!"
Maggie she's turned pale in the gills, her mouth is hangin' open, and her
eyes are bugged, but she ain't too scared to put up an argument.
"Have yez a warrant?" she demands. "Annyways, my Cousin Tim Fealey'll go
bail for us. An' if it was that Swede janitor next door made the
complaint on us I'll--"
"Woman!" breaks in the Lieutenant. "Don't you know that you have been
apprehended in a grave offense? You'd best tell all. Now, who put you
up to this? Your master, eh?"
"Howly saints! Mr. Bauer!" groans the fat one.
"For the love of the saints, don't tell him!" says Maggie. "Don't tell
Mr. Bauer, there's a dear. It was off'm Cousin Tim we got it."
"That miscreant in the shed there?" asks the Lieutenant.
"Him?" says Maggie. "Lord love ye, no. That's only Schwartzenberger,
from the slaughter-house. And please, Mister, it'll be gone the
mornin'--ivry bit gone."
"Oh, will it!" says Cecil sarcastic. "But you'll be in prison first."
"Wurra! Wurra!" moans the fat female. "Save us, Maggie! Let him have
it for the takin's."
"I will not, then," says Maggie. "Not if he's the president of the Board
of Health himself."
"Enough of this," says the Lieutenant. "Hands up, you bomb plotters!"
But about then I'd begun to acquire the hunch that we might be makin' a
slight mistake, and that it was time for me to crash in. Which I does.
"Excuse me," says I; "but maybe it would help, Maggie, if you'd say right
out what it is you've got in the shed there."
"What is ut?" says she, tossin' her head defiant. "As though you didn't
know! Well, it's a pig, then."
"A pig!" sneers the Lieutenant. "Very likely, that is!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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