Courtship -- Fiction; Florida -- Fiction; Humorous stories; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction; Treasure troves -- Fiction
Couldn't I, though! Say, I'd just been yearnin' to crash into this
affair for the last five minutes. I'd remembered Cyril. At least, I
thought I had. And I proceeds to rap for order with a table-knife.
"Excuse me, Mr. Snee," says I, "but you ain't been called on for a
monologue. You can print the whole story of how kitchen neutrality was
violated, issue a yellow book, if you like; but just for the minute try
to forget that assault with the roast and see if you can remember ever
havin' met me before. Can you?"
Don't seem to faze Cyril a bit. He takes a good look at me and then
shakes his head.
"I'm sorry, sir," says he, "but I'm afraid I'm stupid about such
things. I can sometimes recall names very readily, but faces--"
"How long since you quit jugglin' pies and sandwiches at the
quick-lunch joint?" says I.
"Three months, sir," says he prompt.
"Tied the can to you, did they?" says I.
"I was discharged, sir," says Cyril. "The proprietor objected to my
talking so much to customers. I suppose he was quite right. One of my
many failings, sir."
"I believe you," says I. "So you took up buttling, eh? Wa'n't that
some nervy jump?"
"I considered it a helpful step in my career," says he.
"Your which?" says I.
"Perhaps I should put it," says he, "that the work seemed to offer the
discipline which would make me most useful to our noble order."
And as he says the last two words he puts his palms at right angles to
his ears, thumbs in, and bows three times.
"Eh?" says I, gawpin'.
"I refer," says Cyril, "to the Brotherhood of the Sacred Owls, which is
also named the Sublime Order of Humility and Wisdom."
And once more he does the ear wigwag. Believe me, he had us all
gaspin'.
"Vurra good, Eddie!" says I. "Sacred Owls, eh? What is that--one of
these insurance schemes?"
"There are both mortuary and sick benefits appertaining to membership,"
says Cyril, "but our chief aim and purpose is to acquire humility and
wisdom. It so happens that I have been named as candidate for Grand
Organizer of the East, and at our next solemn conclave, to be held--"
"I get you," says I. "I can see where you might find some practice in
bein' humble by buttlin', but how about gettin' wise?"
"With humility comes wisdom, as our public ritual has it," says Cyril.
"In the text-book which I studied--'The Perfect Butler'--there was very
little about being humble, however. But my cousin, who conducts an
employment agency, assured me that could only be acquired by practice.
So he secured me several positions. He was wholly correct. I have
been discharged on an average of once a week for the last two months,
and on each occasion I have discovered newer and deeper depths of
humility."
I draws a long breath and gazes admiring at Cyril. Then I turns to the
Westlakes.
"Westy," says I, "do you want to accommodate Mr. Snee with a fresh
chance of perfectin' himself for the Sublime Order?"
He nods. So does Doris.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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