But I had fled, running for my life—or was it to save the life of
old Sallie that I ran? In the twinkling of an eye the mysterious
change had come. Sallie had poked in the back, the old back that
she knowed, a contented spinster teacher. A horse whisked about in
the shafts and made to go in a direction contrary to the one he was
travelling might understand the bewilderment of the woman who fled
from Sallie Singleton. I did not. We are strange creatures, blown
upon by winds from the Invisible. We dwell forever in a little
fenced-about cleared plot of ground that is our daily life and we are
frightened if we but glimpse beyond the cleared land. I had looked
over the fence, and I had seen a trackless region. In sudden panic
I hated placid spinster teachers content to trudge their sober path
through all the days allotted to them; in sudden terror age with its
hideous potentialities of loneliness fell upon me. Age and old Sallie
grown gray and dirtier but always with the Puck-like knowledge of
the psychologic moment at which to torture me with the neighbourhood
gossip. Age and John, dear, good John on one side of the fireplace
winter nights roaring at me the advancement of his rheumatism and
I on the other side roaring back the increasing feebleness of my
digestion.
All day this spectre, this fear of the future, has held me by
the throat. All day I have stumbled along in a maze of distorted
thought—swept from all moorings of common sense. Now I have come
into the night, the big, silent, star-filled night to ask peace of
it. Here under the giant pines that stand like sentinels to guard the
peace of the old house I sit on the bench. How still and warm and
sweet—a white, white August night, for the coming moon lights the
sky. Above all nights I have loved these August nights—the clematis
dropping from the upper porch airy and diaphanous as a bride’s
veil, and there in the border, running parallel with the low, long,
rambling, gray, gray old house the white phlox in masses neighbouring
with the August lilies. Looking at the lilies I catch my breath in
pain. In their faint, sweet breathings they say to me, “We live but
for a day. Take warning. Youth flees, dies as we die.”
John comes to the hall door and peers out into the dimness of the
shadowy pines. “Honey,” he calls, “are you out there? Good-night. I’m
turning in.” I call back, “Good-night.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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