Bildungsromans; Fathers and sons -- Fiction; Young men -- Fiction
It was two o’clock when he lay down upon a couch in the living-room and
blew out the light. He did not undress, but threw his shoes on the floor
and lay looking at a wide path of moonlight that came through the open
door. In the darkness it seemed that his mind worked more rapidly and
that the events and motives of his restless years went streaming past
like living things upon the floor.
Suddenly he sat up and listened. The voice of one of the boys, heavy
with sleep, ran through the upper part of the house.
“Mother! O Mother!” called the sleepy voice, and Sam thought he could
hear the little body moving restlessly in bed.
Silence followed. He sat upon the edge of the couch, waiting. It seemed
to him that he was coming to something; that his brain that had for
hours been working more and more rapidly was about to produce the thing
for which he waited. He felt as he had felt that night as he waited in
the corridor of the hospital.
In the morning the three children came down the stairs and finished
dressing in the long room, the little girl coming last, carrying her
shoes and stockings and rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand. A
cool morning wind blew up from the river and through the open screened
doors as he and Joe cooked breakfast, and later as the four of them
sat at the table Sam tried to talk but did not make much progress. His
tongue was heavy and the children seemed looking at him with strange
questioning eyes. “Why are you here?” their eyes asked.
For a week Sam stayed in the city, coming daily to the house. With the
children he talked a little, and in the evening, when the mother had
gone away, the little girl came to him. He carried her to a chair on the
porch outside and while the boys sat reading under the lamp inside she
went to sleep in his arms. Her body was warm and the breath came softly
and sweetly from between her lips. Sam looked down the bluffside and saw
the country and the river far below, sweet in the moonlight. Tears came
into his eyes. Was a new sweet purpose growing within him or were the
tears but evidence of self pity? He wondered.
One night the black-haired woman again came home far gone in drink, and
again Sam led her up the stairs to see her fall muttering and babbling
upon the bed. Her companion, a little flashily dressed man with a beard,
had run off at the sight of Sam standing in the living-room under the
lamp. The two boys, to whom he had been reading, said nothing, looking
self-consciously at the book upon the table and occasionally out of the
corner of their eyes at their new friend. In a few minutes they too
went up the stairs, and as on that first night, they put out their hands
awkwardly.
Through the night Sam again sat in the darkness outside or lay awake on
the couch. “I will make a new try, adopt a new purpose in life now,” he
said to himself.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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