Bildungsromans; Fathers and sons -- Fiction; Young men -- Fiction
“My flow of words, my ready trick of talking; to what does it bring me?
Let me tell you. It has brought me to this--that at fifty I, who might
have been an artist fixing the minds of thousands upon some thing of
beauty or of truth, have become a village cut-up, a pot-house wit, a
flinger of idle words into the air of a village intent upon raising
corn.
“If you ask me why, I tell you that my mind was paralysed by small
success and if you ask me where I got the taste for that, I tell you
that I got it when I saw it lurking in a woman’s eyes and heard the
pleasant little songs that lull to sleep upon a woman’s lips.”
The boy, sitting upon the grassy bank beside Telfer, began thinking of
life in Caxton. The man smoking the cigarette fell into one of his rare
silences. The boy thought of girls that had come into his mind at
night, of how he had been thrilled by a glance from the eyes of a little
blue-eyed school girl who had once visited at Freedom Smith’s home and
of how he had gone at night to stand under her window.
In Caxton adolescent love had about it a virility befitting a land
that raised so many bushels of yellow corn and drove so many fat steers
through the streets to be loaded upon cars. Men and women went their
ways believing, with characteristic American what-boots-it attitude
toward the needs of childhood, that it was well for growing boys and
girls to be much alone together. To leave them alone together was a
principle with them. When a young man called upon his sweetheart,
her parents sat in the presence of the two with apologetic eyes and
presently disappeared leaving them alone together. When boys’ and girls’
parties were given in Caxton houses, parents went away leaving the
children to shift for themselves.
“Now have a good time and don’t tear the house down,” they said, going
off upstairs.
Left to themselves the children played kissing games and young men
and tall half-formed girls sat on the front porches in the darkness,
thrilled and half frightened, getting through their instincts, crudely
and without guidance, their first peep at the mystery of life. They
kissed passionately and the young men, walking home, lay upon their beds
fevered and unnaturally aroused, thinking thoughts.
Young men went into the company of girls time and again without knowing
aught of them except that they caused a stirring of their whole being, a
kind of riot of the senses to which they returned on other evenings as
a drunkard to his cups. After such an evening they found themselves, on
the next morning, confused and filled with vague longings. They had lost
their keenness for fun, they heard without hearing the talk of the men
about the station and in the stores, they went slinking through the
streets in groups and people seeing them nodded their heads and said,
“It is the loutish age.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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