Bildungsromans; Fathers and sons -- Fiction; Young men -- Fiction
One night in September, when he was walking alone in the streets, an
incident happened that showed him also a silent power within himself,
a power that startled and for the moment frightened him. Walking into
a little street back of Dearborn, he was suddenly aware of the faces of
women looking out at him through small square windows cut in the fronts
of the houses. Here and there, before and behind him, were the faces;
voices called, smiles invited, hands beckoned. Up and down the street
went men looking at the sidewalk, their coats turned up about their
necks, their hats pulled down over their eyes. They looked at the faces
of the women pressed against the little squares of glass and then,
turning, suddenly, sprang in at the doors of the houses as if pursued.
Among the walkers on the sidewalk were old men, men in shabby coats
whose feet scuffled as they hurried along, and young boys with the pink
of virtue in their cheeks. In the air was lust, heavy and hideous. It
got into Sam’s brain and he stood hesitating and uncertain, startled,
nerveless, afraid. He remembered a story he had once heard from John
Telfer, a story of the disease and death that lurks in the little side
streets of cities, and ran into Van Buren Street and from that into
lighted State. He climbed up the stairway of the elevated railroad and
jumping on the first train went away south to walk for hours on a gravel
roadway at the edge of the lake in Jackson Park. The wind from the lake
and the laughter and talk of people passing under the lights cooled
the fever in him, as once it had been cooled by the eloquence of John
Telfer, walking on the road near Caxton, and with his voice marshalling
the armies of the standing corn.
Into Sam’s mind came a picture of the cold, silent water moving in great
masses under the night sky and he thought that in the world of men there
was a force as resistless, as little understood, as little talked of,
moving always forward, silent, powerful--the force of sex. He wondered
how the force would be broken in his own case, against what breakwater
it would spend itself. At midnight, he went home across the city and
crept into his alcove in the Pergrin house, puzzled and for the time
utterly tired. In his bed, he turned his face to the wall and
resolutely closing his eyes tried to sleep. “There are things not to
be understood,” he told himself. “To live decently is a matter of good
sense. I will keep thinking of what I want to do and not go into such a
place again.”
One day, when he had been in Chicago two years, there happened an
incident of another sort, an incident so grotesque, so Pan-like, so full
of youth, that for days after it happened he thought of it with delight,
and walked in the streets or sat in a passenger train laughing joyfully
at the remembrance of some new detail of the affair.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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