Black Lord Foulon the Frenchman slew Thought it a Futurist thing to do. He offered them grass instead of bread. So they stuffed him with grass when they cut off his head. With a wowtyiddly, etc. For the pride of his soul he perished then-- But of course it is always of Pride that men, A Man in Advance of his Age accuse, Like Nebuchadnezzar the King of the Jews. Simeon Scudder of Styx, in Maine, Thought of the thing and was at it again. He gave good grass and water in pails To a thousand Irishmen hammering rails. With a wowtyiddly, etc. Appetites differ; and tied to a stake He was tarred and feathered for Conscience' Sake. But stoning the prophets is ancient news, Like Nebuchadnezzar the King of the Jews. The Logical Vegetarian "Why shouldn't I have a purely vegetarian drink? Why shouldn't I take vegetables in their highest form, so to speak? The modest vegetarians ought obviously to stick to wine or beer, plain vegetarian drinks, instead of filling their goblets with the blood of bulls and elephants, as all conventional meat-eaters do, I suppose."--Dalroy. You will find me drinking rum, Like a sailor in a slum, You will find me drinking beer like a Bavarian. You will find me drinking gin In the lowest kind of inn, Because I am a rigid Vegetarian. So I cleared the inn of wine, And I tried to climb the sign, And I tried to hail the constable as "Marion." But he said I couldn't speak, And he bowled me to the Beak Because I was a Happy Vegetarian. Oh, I knew a Doctor Gluck, And his nose it had a hook, And his attitudes were anything but Aryan; So I gave him all the pork That I had, upon a fork; Because I am myself a Vegetarian. I am silent in the Club, I am silent in the pub., I am silent on a bally peak in Darien; For I stuff away for life Shoving peas in with a knife, Because I am at heart a Vegetarian. No more the milk of cows Shall pollute my private house Than the milk of the wild mares of the Barbarian; I will stick to port and sherry, For they are so very, very, So very, very, very Vegetarian. "The Saracen's Head" "The Saracen's Head" looks down the lane, Where we shall never drink wine again, For the wicked old women who feel well-bred Have turned to a tea-shop "The Saracen's Head." "The Saracen's Head" out of Araby came, King Richard riding in arms like flame, And where he established his folk to be fed He set up a spear--and the Saracen's Head. But "The Saracen's Head" outlived the Kings, It thought and it thought of most horrible things, Of Health and of Soap and of Standard Bread, And of Saracen drinks at "The Saracen's Head." So "The Saracen's Head" fulfils its name, They drink no wine--a ridiculous game-- And I shall wonder until I'm dead, How it ever came into the Saracen's Head. The Good Rich Man