"'Can you show me something just as good?' I asked. 'Half as good? A
tenth as good? I want to be straight. I'd rather be straight. Here's a
proposition. You folks have got more than you can ever spend on
yourselves. Pool a little of it--ten of you--and give me a job that you
don't figure sinful. I'm willing to work. I've proved that to you.
Guarantee me something a tenth as good as the wages I've mentioned, at
the end of ten years--I'll not be thirty then; I'll take a chance on
still being able to enjoy 'em--guarantee me that and I'll scrub floors
for you in the meantime.'
"And then they pulled the prize crack of them all. I hadn't heard it
before. It was a new one on me.
"'Virtue,' they said, 'virtue is its own reward.'
"Honest, I laughed. I couldn't help it. I didn't want them to see that
I was wise to them. I didn't even want to hurt their feelings. It was
pretty serious to them, this step that I was taking. But I couldn't help
it. I laughed. And then I got mad.
"'Virtue is its own reward? Is it?' I asked. 'Is it? Go out there and
stand on Fifth Avenue,' I said, 'and watch 'em roll by. Your daughter!
And yours! And yours! Ten thousand of 'em, no younger than I am, no
prettier, and no more moral right now. Go out and watch them roll by and
then try to tell me that. Violets and silver fox! Is virtue their only
reward?'
"Well, they'd not meant it the same way, in my case. I kept getting 'em
wrong, they said. They'd meant it in the abstract, applied to me. 'But
what about the wages of sin, in my case?' Had they been abstract there?
'Death--the gutter.' That was concrete, wasn't it? It sounded like
bedrock to me. Then they wanted to explain. I wouldn't let 'em.
"'If you had been on the level I could have respected you,' I said. 'If
you had told me, sure this is a selfish world and we are of it, I'd have
liked you fine. I'm strong for a rascal, if he's an honest rascal. But
I hate a hypocrite.'
"I'd got 'em between me and the ropes where I wanted 'em, at last.
"'I've wasted two whole years,' I shot it over from the shoulder. 'Two
whole years, trying to compete with them'--I nodded toward the
Avenue--'according to their own rules. And you've been coaching me, when
all the while you knew I was licked, that way, before I started. Now let
_them_ compete with _me_, according to _my_ rules, for a change. Let
them run to their dressmakers and order their gowns a little lower and
their skirts a little higher and lie to themselves and say they must keep
in style, when they know they've got to keep their men and don't care how
they do it. Let _them_ try it--damn 'em!'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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