You have to compete with tramcars, motor cars, and all kinds of horrible conveyances. Having been interested in nursery rhymes since I was very young, I have been looking through some children's books during the last few days to see what is provided for the children of these days, and I came across the following lines in a book for children:-- The hansom takes you quickest, The growler keeps you dry, But the top of the 'bus Is the place for us To see the coves go by. I advise you not to give that little book to your children, as it will induce them to ride on the top of a 'bus instead of taking a cab. _Cabmen's Dinner, Newport, November 8th, 1902._ [Illustration: "_Fast women and slow horses._"] I have never been able to find out exactly why the cabmen's dinner is fixed for Guy Fawkes' Day. I have looked up Guy Fawkes' pedigree, and I cannot find that he ever drove a growler or even a hansom cab. Then I thought it might have something to do with Inkerman Day, which is all upset nowadays, as you know. Inkerman was always called a soldiers' battle, because it was so foggy that the generals could not see what they were doing. I have an idea that it must have been a cabmen's battle, and that it was cabmen who fought at Inkerman or commanded at Inkerman. Speaking of cabmen, I think that they are like Lord Rosebery's Dukes--poor, but honest. This is not an epoch-making dinner; it is not even a record dinner. "Epoch-making" and "record-making" are terms which are frequently used now-a-days, and I wish people would give them a rest for a time. I remember a young gentleman who came into a fortune and very soon got through it because his company was very indifferent, he being very fond of racecourses and other iniquities of that sort. He went through the Bankruptcy Court, and when asked how he accounted for getting rid of his fortune so quickly, he replied, "Fast women and slow horses." Now I think cabmen would probably make a profit out of fast women and slow horses. One of you will take a very fine lady to Caerleon Racecourse next week, and, having a slow horse, will take two hours to do the journey, and charge a two hours' price. But I always like this society for one particular reason, namely, it has no small societies belonging to it. There is no Cabmen's Football Club to write and ask you for a subscription. So far as I know, there is no cabmen's band, or other small institutions of which we have so many in every other circle of society. There is no cabmen's congress, and no cabmen's conferences and that is a great merit in the society, because I know that when I have done one thing, I have done all that I shall be required to do. _Cabmen's Dinner, November 5th, 1909._ TALKS TO LICENSED VICTUALLERS.