With the Battle Fleet: Cruise of the Sixteen Battleships of the United States Atlantic Fleet from Hampton Roads to the Golden Gate, December, 1907-May, 1908Matthews, Franklin
History
With the Battle Fleet: Cruise of the Sixteen Battleships of the United States Atlantic Fleet from Hampton Roads to the Golden Gate, December, 1907-May, 1908
Matthews, Franklin
United States. Navy. Atlantic Fleet -- Cruise, 1907-1909
Then came Neptune on deck again and the party, followed by 800 officers
and men, went to the fo'c'sle deck for the initiation. Neptune mounted
his throne on a platform. Two tanks had been erected between that and
the forward turret. The bears slipped over the sides as the retainers
filled the tanks with water. Drs. Flip and Flap unloaded their saws,
knives, teeth extractors and many bottles of vile looking medicine. The
lawyers opened their books to certain paragraphs of the "Revised
Statutes," chiefly paragraph 4-11-44; the barbers sharpened their
enormous razors, "made in Yarmany"; the policemen drew up in line, the
orderlies rolled up the barrel of lather, made of oatmeal and water, and
another barrel of "tonic," to be used in enormous squirt guns. It was
Neptune's "dope" for the unruly. Then Neptune, with a flourish of his
trident and settling his gilt crown well back on his head, as Amphitrite
nestled to his side, asked if all preparations had been completed.
"Yes, your Majesty," replied Main Top Bowline.
"Then let the initiations proceed. Bring forward as the first victim
that newspaper man. He shall have special attention," was the command.
The Sun man mounted the steps to the howls of 800 persons. Dr. Flip
sounded his lungs, examined his teeth, felt his arms and legs, made him
wiggle his fingers and then said:
"Your Majesty, a very bad case. 'E's got a ingrowin' brain!"
"What do you prescribe?"
"Well, your Majesty, we have here medicines for the cure of spavin, sore
throat, consumption, chilblains, diphtheria, eczema, measles, neuralgia,
heartburn--"
"Never mind the rest," said the King. "What is the treatment?"
"The same for all, sire," was the response. "A good shave, an injection
in the arm of my 'dope' [composed of molasses and water] some powder on
his head and a ducking in the briny seas."
"Very good!" replied his Majesty.
Then the trouble began. A pill as big as a horse chestnut and made of
bread crusts was forced down the victim's throat. The squirt gun hit him
full in the face, a lotion was rubbed in his hair and then he was forced
into the chair and shaved. A question was asked of him, and as he opened
his mouth to reply a great paint brush of lather was thrust into it.
Then came the order to pull out the plug from the chair and drop him
over backwards into the tank. Well, that flight and that ducking! Here
descriptive powers fail the Sun's correspondent. It can be described
best in the words of Herman Melville, in his story of "White Jacket,"
relating to a cruise he made in 1843 around the horn in the United
States frigate, United States, when he went into the water in another
way.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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