Bugler Bill is a pensive lad, Whether he's workin' or not; Serious-faced an' pitiful sad-- (Think he was goin' t' be shot!) Whenever he bugles, some of us cry-- Reveille, taps, or mess-- With musical sob-stuff Bill gets by, Plaintive and full of distress! Bugler Bill is never real gay, But built on a sour-face plan; Bill wouldn't laugh, whatever you'd say; Looks like a love-poisoned man. "Grin, ye hyenas," he'll say as he smokes; "_I_ ain't a frivolous guy--" "Thinkin' of all of the pain you caused folks While learnin' to play?" asks I. Bugler Bill, he sighs as he turns, Shakin' his head at me. "A long while ago th' bugle I learns-- So don't you git funny," says he. "My audience laughed till it cried salty tears, An' everyone called me a joy. I was a clown in a circus for years-- _That's_ why I'm solemn, my boy!" Bugler Bill come "out of the Draft"-- D'you s'pose at _that_ joke he actually laughed? HEINIE THE HOSTLER _He's not very handsome or clever, He's slow in his wits--and he's fat, And yet he's a soldier of Uncle Sam's-- Now, whaddy you know about that?_ We always called him Dummy, And thought he wouldn't fight; We sneered at him and jeered at him-- He was--and is--a sight! His feet are big, his head is small, His German blood is slow, But at the call for volunteers, Why, didn't Heinie go? He's workin' as a hostler (He used to be a clerk) He don't enjoy his job, that boy, But Heinie is no shirk. "This is _my_ country just as much As it is yours," says he; "I'm gonna do what I _can_ do To _keep_ it mine!... You'll see! "My father, he come over here To get away from things; He couldn't abide on th' other side-- Aristocrats and kings. The Stars and Stripes mean liberty, I've always understood; So gimme the right to work--or fight-- I betcha I'll make good. "As a chambermaid to horses In a battery that's new, The work is rough and mean enough And wouldn't appeal to you; But I've got my place and I'll stick to it-- Can any man do more? I've never had a chance, like dad, To prove myself before." _Perhaps he won't get a commission; Perhaps he is dull, and all that; But somehow I feel that he's better than me-- Now whaddy you know about that?_ OUR JOB You mustn't _hate_ the enemy--that wastes a lot of "pep"-- The Colonel passed the word around the training camp to-day. The Captain says with modern war we gotta all catch step; "Cut out the rough-necked rage and talk, and don't you think or say: "'Pirates, rapists, murderers; poisoners and lying thieves; Super-vandals, run amuck--black devils quoting sermons; This world was mostly Heaven-made, our Chaplain, he believes; But Hell itself conceived and spawned the Military Germans!