This being the case my father determined to send me to Lausanne, so as to perfect myself in French, science and mathematics, an idea my uncle fully approved of, as there resided at that place a most noted _maître d’armes_, who he thought would be the very man to put a polish on my swordsmanship. At Lausanne I stayed for some months, working hard by fits and starts and enjoying myself thoroughly, and here I was joined by my eldest brother, Jack, a gay and giddy subaltern in a crack cavalry regiment. Together we started on a trip through northern Italy, and while at Milan I had the opportunity of putting into practice the precepts my uncle and the celebrated _maître d’armes_ had taught me. It happened in this way. I was called out by an Italian nobleman of sorts, who objected to some small attentions I had paid to a Tyrolese chantress in a café. Him I easily defeated, wearing him out by my better training and then administering a pin-prick on his forearm, whereon he insisted upon embracing me and we became great friends. Towards the end of the trip, however, I had a misunderstanding with a French artillery cadet at Strasbourg, who, as I was too self-confident, ran me through the arm. He also embraced me and we became good friends. After the completion of our trip I returned to London, where I really worked hard, and I had no doubt I should have passed into Woolwich all right, when on the eve of going in for my last paper I was poisoned by a fiend of a woman, whom I was perfectly innocent of harming, and so, not having qualified for the requisite number of subjects, I was spun. In a fit of disgust I enlisted in the R.H.A. as a driver, and for a few months soldiered in the ranks at Aldershot, but, just when I had had enough of it, I was discovered by my father’s cousin, who had assumed command of the camp, and who promptly had me discharged. Saying good-bye to my comrades necessitated my imbibing too much beer, so I reached my father’s town house full of beans and benevolence, where, with my usual bad luck, I ran foul of two very big military swells, who in my exuberance of spirits I astonished and quite unintentionally insulted. Next afternoon, by my father’s orders, I attempted to apologise to the mighty potentates, and should have most likely been forgiven had not my infernal bad luck still stuck to me, for just at the moment that the tomahawk was being buried, I handed my father a vile squib cigar which I had placed in my case for the benefit of my eldest brother, who I considered had been too handy with his toe while assisting me to bed the previous night, and which I had completely forgotten. The debacle that ensued was too much for my nerves, and I fled from the house.