Bildungsromans; France -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Villages -- France -- Fiction
and happiness. And on each of our remarks was stamped, as it were, a
supreme harshness, by the paroxysm of their stupefying unimportance,
which at the same time consoled me, for it prevented Gilberte from being
taken in by the banality of my observations and the indifference of my
tone. In vain was my polite: "I thought, the other day, that the clock
was slow, if anything;" she evidently understood me to mean: "How
tiresome you are being!" Obstinately as I might protract, over the whole
length of that rain-sodden afternoon, the dull cloud of words through
which no fitful ray shone, I knew that my coldness was not so
unalterably fixed as I pretended, and that Gilberte must be fully aware
that if, after already saying it to her three times, I had hazarded a
fourth repetition of the statement that the evenings were drawing in, I
should have had difficulty in restraining myself from bursting into
tears. When she was like that, when no smile filled her eyes or unveiled
her face, I cannot describe the devastating monotony that stamped her
melancholy eyes and sullen features. Her face, grown almost livid,
reminded me then of those dreary beaches where the sea, ebbing far out,
wearies one with its faint shimmering, everywhere the same, fixed in an
immutable and low horizon. At length, as I saw no sign in Gilberte of
the happy change for which I had been waiting now for some hours, I told
her that she was not being nice. "It is you that are not being nice,"
was her answer. "Oh, but surely---" I asked myself what I could have
done, and, finding no answer, put the question to her. "Naturally, you
think yourself nice!" she said to me with a laugh, and went on laughing.
Whereupon I felt all the anguish that there was for me in not being able
to attain to that other, less perceptible plane of her mind which her
laughter indicated. It seemed, that laughter, to mean: "No, no, I'm not
going to let myself be moved by anything that you say, I know you're
madly in love with me, but that leaves me neither hot nor cold, for I
don't care a rap for you." But I told myself that, after all, laughter
was not a language so well defined that I could be certain of
understanding what this laugh really meant. And Gilberte's words were
affectionate. "But how am I not being nice," I asked her, "tell me; I
will do anything you want." "No; that wouldn't be any good. I can't
explain." For a moment I was afraid that she thought that I did not love
her, and this was for me a fresh agony, no less keen, but one that
required treatment by a different conversational method. "If you knew
how much you were hurting me you would tell me." But this pain which,
had she doubted my love for her, must have rejoiced her, seemed instead
to make her more angry. Then, realising my mistake, making up my mind to
pay no more attention to what she said, letting her (without bothering
to believe her) assure me: "I do love you, indeed I do; you will see one
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