Bildungsromans; France -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Villages -- France -- Fiction
presently, without our having noticed any change, this tension, which
still endures, is sustained, we discover, no longer by our recollection
of the past but by anticipation of an imaginary future. From that moment
it is almost pleasant. Besides, the first state, by continuing for some
time, has accustomed us to living in expectation. The suffering that we
felt during those last meetings survives in us still, but is already
lulled to sleep. We are in no haste to arouse it, especially as we do
not see very clearly what to ask for now. The possession of a little
more of the woman whom we love would only make more essential to us the
part that we did not yet possess, which is bound to remain, whatever
happens, since our requirements are begotten of our satisfactions, an
irreducible quantity.
Another, final reason came later on to reinforce this, and to make me
discontinue altogether my visits to Mme. Swann. This reason, slow in
revealing itself, was not that I had now forgotten Gilberte but that I
must make every effort to forget her as speedily as possible. No doubt,
now that the keen edge of my suffering was dulled, my visits to Mme.
Swann had become once again, for what sorrow remained in me, the
sedative and distraction which had been so precious to me at first. But
what made the sedative efficacious made the distraction impossible,
namely that with these visits the memory of Gilberte was intimately
blended. The distraction would be of no avail to me unless it was
employed to combat a sentiment which the presence of Gilberte no longer
nourished, thoughts, interests, passions in which Gilberte should have
no part. These states of consciousness, to which the person whom we love
remains a stranger, then occupy a place which, however small it may be
at first, is always so much reconquered from the love that has been in
unchallenged possession of our whole soul. We must seek to encourage
these thoughts, to make them grow, while the sentiment which is no more
now than a memory dwindles, so that the new elements introduced into our
mind contest with that sentiment, wrest from it an ever increasing part
of our soul, until at last the victory is complete. I decided that this
was the only way in which my love could be killed, and I was still young
enough, still courageous enough to undertake the attempt, to subject
myself to that most cruel grief which springs from the certainty that,
whatever time one may devote to the effort, it will prove successful in
the end. The reason I now gave in my letters to Gilberte for refusing to
see her was an allusion to some mysterious misunderstanding, wholly
fictitious, which was supposed to have arisen between her and myself,
and as to which I had hoped at first that Gilberte would insist upon my
furnishing her with an explanation. But, as a matter of fact, never,
even in the most insignificant relations in life, does a request for
enlightenment come from a correspondent who knows that an obscure,
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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