Bildungsromans; France -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Villages -- France -- Fiction
untruthful, incriminating sentence has been written on purpose, so that
he shall protest against it, and is only too glad to feel, when he reads
it, that he possesses--and to keep in his own hands--the initiative in
the coming operations. For all the more reason is this so in our more
tender relations, in which love is endowed with so much eloquence,
indifference with so little curiosity. Gilberte having never appeared to
doubt nor sought to learn more about this misunderstanding, it became
for me a real entity, to which I referred anew in every letter. And
there is in these baseless situations, in the affectation of coldness a
sort of fascination which tempts one to persevere in them. By dint of
writing: "Now that our hearts are sundered," so that Gilberte might
answer: "But they are not. Do explain what you mean," I had gradually
come to believe that they were. By constantly repeating, "Life may have
changed for us, it will never destroy the feeling that we had for one
another," in the hope of hearing myself, one day, say: "But there has
been no change, the feeling is stronger now than ever it was," I was
living with the idea that life had indeed changed, that we should keep
only the memory of a feeling which no longer existed, as certain
neurotics, from having at first pretended to be ill, end by becoming
chronic invalids. Now, whenever I had to write to Gilberte, I brought my
mind back to this imagined change, which, being now tacitly admitted by
the silence which she preserved with regard to it in her replies, would
in future subsist between us. Then Gilberte ceased to make a point of
ignoring it. She too adopted my point of view; and, as in the speeches
at official banquets, when the foreign Sovereign who is being
entertained adopts practically the same expressions as have just been
used by the Sovereign who is entertaining him, whenever I wrote to
Gilberte: "Life may have parted us; the memory of the days when we knew
one another will endure," she never failed to respond: "Life may have
parted us; it cannot make us forget those happy hours which will always
be dear to us both," (though we should have found it hard to say why or
how "Life" had parted us, or what change had occurred). My sufferings
were no longer excessive. And yet, one day when I was telling her in a
letter that I had heard of the death of our old barley-sugar woman in
the Champs-Elysées, as I wrote the words: "I felt at once that this
would distress you, in me it awakened a host of memories," I could not
restrain myself from bursting into tears when I saw that I was speaking
in the past tense, as though it were of some dead friend, now almost
forgotten, of this love of which in spite of myself I had never ceased
to think as of a thing still alive, or one that at least might be born
again. Nothing can be more affectionate than this sort of correspondence
between friends who do not wish to see one another any more. Gilberte's
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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