England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Families -- Fiction; Stepmothers -- Fiction
Lottie had not risen from her seat, but as she sat there, everything
round seemed to waver about her, then settle down again in a sudden
revelation of mean, and small, and paltry life, such as she had scarcely
ever realised before. Not only the lofty heaven into which the music had
carried her rolled away like a scroll, but the other world, which was
beautiful also of its kind, from which she had fled, which had seemed
too poor to remain in, after the preceding ecstasy, departed as with a
glimmer of wings; and she found herself awaking in a life where
everything was squalid and poor, where she alone, with despairing
efforts, tried to prop up the house that it might not fall into
dishonoured dust. She had borne with a kind of contemptuous equanimity
Law’s first story about her father. Let him marry again! she had said;
if he could secure the thing he called his happiness in such a way, let
him do it. The idea had filled her with a high scorn. She had not
thought of herself nor of the effect it might have upon her, but had
risen superior to it with lofty contempt, and put it from her mind. But
this was different. With all her high notions of gentility, and all her
longings after a more splendid sphere, this sudden revelation of a
sphere meaner, lower still, struck Lottie with a sudden pang. A pack of
girls! what kind of girls could those be of whom Law spoke? Her blood
rushed to her face scorching her with shame. She who scorned the
Chevaliers and their belongings! She who had “kept her distance” from
her own class, was it possible that she was to be dragged down lower,
lower, to shame itself? Her voice was choked in her throat. She did not
feel able to speak. She could only cry out to him, clasping her hands,
“Don’t tell me any more--oh, don’t tell me any more----”
“Hillo!” said the lad, “what is the matter with you? Don’t tell you any
more? You will soon know a great deal more if you don’t do something to
put a stop to it. There ought to be a law against it. A man’s children
ought to be able to put a stop to it. I told you before, Lottie, if you
don’t exert yourself and do something----”
“Oh,” she said, rising to her feet, “what can I do? Can I put honour
into you, and goodness, and make you what I want you to be? Oh, if I
could, Law! I would give you my blood out of my veins if I could. But I
can’t put me into you,” she said, wringing her hands--“and you expect me
to listen to stories--about people I ought not to hear of--about
women--Oh, Law, Law, how dare you speak so to me?”
“Hold hard!” said Law, “you don’t know what you are speaking of. The
girls are as good girls as you are--” his own cheeks flushed with
indignant shame as he spoke. “You are just like what they say of women.
You are always thinking of something bad. What are you after all, Lottie
Despard? A poor shabby Captain’s daughter! You make your own gowns and
they make other people’s. I don’t see such a dreadful difference in
that.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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