They were wandering and mooning about, as always--maybe today more than
most days, since they hoped it would be the day the Sun blossomed flame
once more.
Tropile always thought of the wandering, mooning Citizens as _they_.
There was a _we_ somewhere for Tropile, no doubt, but Tropile had not
as yet located it, not even in the bonds of the marriage contract.
He was in no hurry. At the age of fourteen, Glenn Tropile had
reluctantly come to realize certain things about himself--that he
disliked being bested, that he had to have a certain advantage in
all his dealings, or an intolerable itch of the mind drove him to
discomfort. The things added up to a terrifying fear, gradually
becoming knowledge, that the only we that could properly include him
was one that it was not very wise to join.
He had realized, in fact, that he was a Wolf.
For some years, Tropile had struggled against it, for Wolf was an
obscene word; the children he played with were punished severely for
saying it, and for almost nothing else.
It was not _proper_ for one Citizen to advantage himself at the expense
of another; Wolves did that.
It was _proper_ for a Citizen to accept what he had, not to strive for
more, to find beauty in small things, to accommodate himself, with the
minimum of strain and awkwardness, to whatever his life happened to be.
Wolves were not like that. Wolves never meditated, Wolves never
Appreciated, Wolves _never_ were Translated--that supreme fulfillment,
granted only to those who succeeded in a perfect meditation, that
surrender of the world and the flesh by taking leave of both, which
could never be achieved by a Wolf.
Accordingly, Glenn Tropile had tried very hard to do all the things
that Wolves could not do.
He had nearly succeeded. His specialty, Water Watching, had been most
rewarding. He had achieved many partly successful meditations on
Connectivity.
And yet he was still a Wolf, for he still felt that burning, itching
urge to triumph and to hold an advantage. For that reason, it was
almost impossible for him to make friends among the Citizens; and
gradually he had almost stopped trying.
Tropile had arrived in Wheeling nearly a year before, making him one of
the early settlers in point of time. And yet there was not a Citizen in
the street who was prepared to exchange recognition gestures with him.
_He_ knew _them_, nearly every one. He knew their names and their
wives' names. He knew what northern states they had moved down from
with the spreading of the ice, as the sun grew dim. He knew very nearly
to the quarter of a gram what stores of sugar and salt and coffee
each one of them had put away--for their guests, of course, not for
themselves; the well-bred Citizen hoarded only for the entertainment of
others.
Tropile knew these things because there was an advantage in knowing
them. But there was no advantage in having anyone know him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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