"Nothing. You killed a man I loved more than my own life. You've killed
me too. I died with him. You are looking upon a woman who no longer
places any value upon the mockery life that remains. That is why I do
not fear you."
It seemed to Tragor that he, too, had died. At least a part of himself
had perished. For a moment life had flamed so brightly in him that he
had feared it might consume him. But now that vision of beauty, of
desire's complete fulfillment, had been snatched away. There could be
no rapture in the night with a woman who looked upon him with loathing
and contempt.
He could take her by force, easily enough. But how could love have any
meaning when it was completely one-sided? Just to make love was not
enough. You had to be loved in return, loved for yourself. He had never
been able to endure a completely unresponsive woman, a cold shape of
ice in his arms. The warrior-caste brutes felt quite differently about
it. They preferred either complete passivity in a woman, or protests,
tears, and wild strugglings. He had no great liking for either. He
preferred a woman who was as passionate as himself and who could return
his caresses with unrestrained ardor.
Perhaps it was a limitation in his nature. He had never felt
completely happy about it and now it returned to torment him. Why
couldn't he be primitively ruthless? Had not an Earth philosopher
said that all women were alike in the dark? Perhaps in the dark even
a completely unresponsive woman ... no, no, it was unthinkable. He
was not a warrior-caste brute and never could be. The small, fleshy
protuberances growing from his head were a mark of his high station.
The ruling caste alone possessed them, and no man who wore them could
ever descend to that kind of barbaric lovemaking.
It seemed suddenly horrible, unendurable to him that he should have to
surrender all hope of fulfillment. He had never before been quite so
stirred by a woman. Her great beauty had enraptured him beyond reason.
Not only her physical charms in the light of day when she was standing
close to him, but the promise of delight which those charms hinted at
when the daylight was gone and they would be alone together in the
night.
No, it could never be now and he had lost her forever. He felt like a
man cast adrift in an open boat, far from land, his throat parched,
the sun beating down. Water in abundance, but not a drop to quench his
thirst.
If only he were a man in a completely human sense, a man like her
husband. Then, no matter how much she hated him, he might be able to
overcome her resistance by continuous, passionate pleading.
But now there was no hope. No hope at all.
* * * * *
He turned and gestured to a waiting, warrior-caste brute, whose
stationary bulk cast a long shadow on the smooth metal wall opposite
the drawn up, now completely telescoped stairway. The warrior stepped
forward and stood waiting expectantly.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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