Married people -- Fiction; Suburban life -- Fiction; Women -- Fiction
“I cannot by the farthest stretch of my imagination picture
myself as feeling the least, the slightest—oh, the most
infinitesimal!—featherweight of interest in any man again so
long as my life shall last. I broke my engagement last night
simply on that account. It was not in the most formal sense an
engagement, since it hadn’t been announced; but Henry made as
much fuss as if I had turned back at the altar. He was frantic,
especially as I could give him no reason except that I did not
feel for him what I had expected to. He begged and begged to
know what he had done to change me. I could only tell him he had
done nothing. I had simply become incapable of caring. I think
now that I fell in love too often and too intensely in my
younger days. My ‘grand passion’ came too soon and since then I
have cared less and less each time that I have fancied my
interest intrigued. The absurd boy was my Sun-god—and yet I see
now that he is and always was a ridiculous person, and I laugh
when I remember how I glorified him to myself. He meant nothing.
Price Gleason meant nothing. Laurence Grover, Paul Arthur, Capt.
Williams, and all the others meant nothing. Henry, so long and
tediously a pursuer, means nothing now. None of them mean
anything. The spring has gone dry and my heart, that bloomed
once so eagerly, is desert sand—desert sand, my dear!”
She was rather pleased with this bit of metaphor and read it over aloud,
speaking the words lingeringly. Upon the wall beyond the pretty desk
there was a mirror facing her; she could see herself when she chose, and
she chose to see herself now in her mood of poetic melancholy. She saw a
winsome picture in that mirror, too, when she made this choice—an
exquisitely fair, delicate creature, slim, though not so fragile as she
had been, and, in spite of her heart of desert sand, all alive indeed.
Probably induced by pleasure in the metaphor just written, the young
lady in the glass was at the moment more sparkling, in fact, than seemed
suitable. Therefore, her face became poignantly wistful—an effect so
excellent that a surprised approbation was added, a little
incongruously, to the wistfulness. The approbation was removed in favour
of an inscrutable pathos, which continued throughout a long exchange of
looks between the image and its original; then both of these little
blonde heads bent once more above their green-painted desks, in a
charmingly concerted action, like two glints of sunshine glancing down
through foliage;—and the letter was resumed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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