She could be got (not that many people had tried to do so) to do nothing
quite like other people, not from perversity as some readily declared,
or a desire to "be different," but from inability to acquire the point
of view from which the most ordinary actions are done. She took no money
on Sunday, and this becoming known to her ne'er-do-well neighbours, they
made a point of forgetting to come for milk on Saturday.
"You must tell your mother I never sell milk on Sunday."
"Yes, Miss Hilton."
"I'll give you a little to go on with, but next week you must come for
it on Saturday."
And the child, having got what she wanted, would run off with the jug of
milk and the money which should have paid for it, to repeat exactly the
same offence the following week. Her reputation for queerness let her be
considered fair game, and so convinced is the ordinary person that
queerness is of necessity contemptible, that when she did anything which
was unusual, its reason was never examined, nor did the possibility that
it might be better done in that way occur to anybody. It was merely a
new evidence of her oddity.
But it was especially in those points in which she felt herself moved by
her religious convictions that she was most suspected. For in spite and
over all her eccentricities of belief, she was genuinely religious,
having the two great religious virtues, charity in judgment and sorrow
for the failures of others. But again she was "different," as it is
evident in this world that the failures of other people are entirely
their own fault, and to be gentle in judgment is more than other people
will be to you, and therefore unnecessary. So that, without being in
intention a reformer, she suffered the suspicion and dislike of the
reformer, being, in fact, however she might disguise it, "different"
from other people.
This constant clashing with the steadfast ideas of every one had in time
produced a timidity and secretiveness in the most ordinary actions,
though where she believed herself to be directed by the Spirit, she had
no lack of confidence and determination. If her movements could be kept
secret she would do her utmost to make them so. She would send the reply
to an invitation to tea half over the country before it reached its
destination. Yet she would often pray in the prayer-meeting, and had
been known to do unusually bold actions as a matter of course.
When it became known that she had written a letter to the son of Squire
Nuttall asking him to give up his dissipated habits, which were the
scandal of the country, no one was surprised, though many were shocked,
and the poorer tenants of the estate alarmed lest some indirect wrath
might fall upon them. When neither Squire nor son took the smallest
notice of the letter she was blamed universally as having gone too far,
as if this chorus of subterranean condemnation might somehow reach the
Squire, who would know that the rest of his tenants had no hand in the
matter nor sympathy with the writer.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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