While this conversation was proceeding between these two, a not less
interesting clash of divergent emotions was occurring between their
friends. The Italian may easily be pardoned if she never for one second
dreamed of the agitation in her companion’s mind that had so frightened
Luke. James’ manner was in no way different from usual, and though
he expressed his feelings in a more unreserved fashion than he had
ever done before, Lacrima had been for many weeks expecting some such
outbreak.
“Don’t be angry with me,” he was saying, as he strode by her side. “I
had meant never to have told you of this. I had meant to let it die
with me, without your ever knowing, but somehow--today--I could not
help it.”
He had confessed to her point blank, and in simple, unbroken words, the
secret of his heart, and Lacrima had for some moments walked along with
head averted making no response.
It would not be true to say that this revelation surprised her. It
would be completely untrue to say it offended her. It did not even
enter her mind that it might have been kinder to have been less
friendly, less responsive, than she had been, to this queer taciturn
admirer. But circumstances had really given her very little choice
in the matter. She had been, as it were, flung perforce upon his
society, and she had accepted, as a providential qualification of her
loneliness, the fact that he was attracted towards her rather than
repelled by her.
It is quite possible that had he remained untouched by the evasive
appeal of her timid grace; had he, for instance, remained a provocative
and impenetrable mystery at her side, she might have been led to share
his feelings. But, unluckily for poor Andersen, the very fact that his
feelings had been disclosed only too clearly, militated hopelessly
against such an event. He was no remote, shadowy, romantic possibility
to her--a closed casket of wonders, difficult and dangerous to open. He
was simply a passionate and assiduous lover. The fact that he _could_
love her, lowered him a little in Lacrima’s esteem. True to her Pariah
instincts she felt that such passion was a sign of weakness in him;
and if she did not actually despise him for it, it materially lessened
the interest she took in the workings of his mind. Maurice Quincunx
drew her to him for the very reason that he was so sexless, so cold,
so wayward, so full of whimsical caprices. Maurice, a Pariah himself,
excited at the same time her maternal tenderness and her imaginative
affection. If she did not feel the passion for him that she might have
felt for Andersen, had Andersen remained inaccessible; that was only
because there was something in Maurice’s peculiar egoism which chilled
such feelings at their root.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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