Woodbarrow Farm: Play in Three ActsJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
Woodbarrow Farm: Play in Three Acts
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
English drama
Scene: _Morning room in a handsome flat--a showily furnished
room--rather ostentatious and loud in its decoration and appointments.
Large table in bay window r.upper corner. Fire-place r.Doors at back
l.c. and two in l. wing. Small tables r.and L.. Easy chairs l. and R._
_Breakfast is laid on large table--it is a gorgeously laid meal--silver
and plate in profusion, and a great number of dishes--tea urn and coffee
urn--a boiling kettle--flowers and ferns in vases and stands. One, a
large wavy one, is at left edge of table close to Allen. The table in
short is crowded and showy to the last degree. A magnificent footman in
gorgeous livery is standing behind; and Mr. Piffin in solemn black waits
close to Allen’s chair, a dish in his hand. Allen is discovered sitting
l. of table, and eating his breakfast in a most melancholy fashion. He
looks intensely miserable and awed. The terrible solemnity of the
whole affair has depressed his spirits to their lowest ebb. He glances
nervously now and then as the meal proceeds, from the footman to the
valet, and vice versa, as they silently and with much ceremony walk
about and wait on him. The fern by his side keeps getting in his
way, tickling and irritating him, but he dare not move it. He eats
in silence, and when he does speak, does so in a humble, deprecating,
nervous manner. He is dressed in a loose morning costume. Music to open
Act._
Piff. (_Standing by Allen’s l. elbow c. Peters r. of table R._) May I
get you a little pâté de foie gras, sir?
Allen. (_Looking round, and speaking in a hushed voice._) I beg pardon?
Piff. A little pâté de foie gras, sir.
Allen. Patty who?
Piff. Goose’s liver, sir. I think you will like it.
Allen. No, thanks; I never eats liver. It don’t agree with me. I will
have a bit o’ the bacon though.
Piff. No, sir; it is not dressed that way, sir. I would get used to it
if I were you, sir. You will so often come across it. Peters, just pass
your master the pâté de foie gras.
(_Peters goes to do so. Allen who has turned again towards his breakfast
is about to take up some gravy from his plate with his knife_).
Piff. (_Checks him._) I wouldn’t lap up the gravy with my knife, sir. I
don’t think. It’s never done now in good society, sir.
Allen. It--it’s the best part of it, you know, I alius thinks--the gravy
Piff. Yes, it’s very tasty, sir. It’s unfortunate it’s so sloppy; and
you see, sir, eating it in that way does not show off the figure to
advantage. Peters, remove your master’s plate.
(_Peters does so, placing it a few feet beyond Allen’s left hand. Allen
watches it with jealous eyes. Peters then holds the pâté de foie gras to
Allen. He slowly runs his eye up Peters with awe, and then looks at the
pâté de foie gras, then using one hand attempts to take it. Peters,
not moving a muscle, holds it tight. Allen seems surprised, and partly
rising, attempts to take it with both hands._)
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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