Woodbarrow Farm: Play in Three ActsJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
Woodbarrow Farm: Play in Three Acts
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
English drama
(_Allen looks at them and gingerly takes one._)
Allen. Which end?
Piff. (_Lighting match._) Either end, sir. Allow me. (_Showing
matchbox._) Another little souvenir from my late master. He was always
acknowledging, if I may say so, my value to him. That sort of thing
is always done in good society now. (_Lights cigarette._) It is a full
flavored one, sir. (_Piffin takes Allen’s pipe from table r.c., crossing
with it to window r._)
Allen. (_Watching him, anxiously._) Don’t hurt him.
Piff. (_Turning round._) I was just going to put it outside on the
window-sill, sir.
Allen. No, don’t put him there. We used to sit up together of a night
watching the sheep. I don’t like the thought of putting him outside the
window, now I’m a gentleman. Drop him in the pocket of that old shooting
coat o’ mine that thee won’t let me wear. They know each other. (_Sits
r.and smokes his cigarette. Piff. puts the pipe on table and returns
r.c._)
Piff. (_Noticing that Allen is looking at his cigarette._) All right,
sir? (_r._)
Allen. Yes--yes, thank you, Mr. Puffin--
Piff. Piffin, sir.
Allen. I wur looking to see if it wur alight, that’s all.
Piff. You will soon get to like them, sir. And whenever you are ready to
dress, sir--
Allen. (_Surprised._) Dress? Why, I be dressed, bain’t I?
Piff. Oh, only for breakfast, you see, sir. I understood you were going
out walking, sir.
Allen. Why can’t I walk in these?
Piff. Oh, no, sir--all London would laugh at you.
Allen. Lord! I should never a’ thought as they’d take so much notice.
(_Rising. Piff. crosses to l. near down stage door._) Ah, well, I’ll
dress. (_Crossing l._) I don’t want to upset London if I can help it.
I’ll dress. (_Exit l. Bows to Piffin as Piffin does so to him_).
Piff. No necessity to bow, sir. (_Aside._) Ah, I’ve got a big job on
here!
(_Exit Piffin, following Allen l. Piffin immediately returns, having
forgotten the pipe, which he takes. He is recrossing l. as enter Dexter
and Clara, c., preceded by Peters, who takes tray from table R.c. and
exits up L._)
And I’ve got to live in the house with this.
(_Dexter goes c., Clara r. at back._)
Dex. (_Coming down._) Good-morning, Piffin, goodmorning. Having a quiet
whiff?
Piff. Thank you, sir. My stomach does not permit my indulging in the
luxury of a cutty pipe.
Dex. Is Mr. Rollitt about?
Piff. He has just this minute gone upstairs to dress, sir. I will let
him know you are here, sir.
Dex. No hurry--no hurry at all, Piffin. We are before our time. You are
not looking well, Piffin.
Piff. Anxiety, sir. May be anxiety. You see Mr. Rollitt’s unacquaintance
with the manners of the _beaux esprits_ throws much responsibility on
myself.
Dex. But you must be careful, Piffin. What would he do without you?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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