Woodburn Grange: A story of English country life; vol. 1 of 3 — John Shaqi
Woodburn Grange: A story of English country life; vol. 1 of 3Howitt, William
General
Woodburn Grange: A story of English country life; vol. 1 of 3
Howitt, William
Religious fiction
“Ah! you there, Joe Clay,” cried Betty, “let me give you some more
greens.”
“O! no more greens, thank you,” said Joe ruefully, “but a little more
cabbage if you please, Betty.”
There was a loud burst of laughter, which the uninitiated would not
have seen the gist of; but Joe Clay had married a Green, who led him
anything but a green life. Not even Xantippe could have cut gibes
with her.
“How’s your wife’s mother, Nathan Hopcroft?”
Nathan Hopcroft, a stupid-looking fellow, shakes his head. “Th’ owd
ooman’s stark dead, Missis; and I canna bury her; an’ I mun ha’ it
done.”
“Good rest to her,” said Betty, “she had long ceased to know much of
this world—and, Nathan, if you canna bury her, you know where to go.”
“Where?”
“To the club.”
“Ay, I’ve been there, an’ said I mun ha’ it done, but they said, ‘No,
the coffer were empty; I was very able to do’t mysen,’ an’ I ar’n’t.
Th’ pigs hanna done well this year, and ar Jack’s rabbits has been
stown—nothing but ill luck. Nay, they wanted me to pay th’ doctor’s
bill.”
“What doctor had you?”
“Owd Doctor Drawatter.”
“What! him with th’ pigtail and powdered head,” said Betty, “and that
fine gold-headed cane, and that smooth finiking voice? My gracious!
that such a fine powdery peacock sort of a doctor should come to
you, Nathan.”
“Ay, and what do you think he said? When I told him poor folks
couldna pay doctors’ bills—they had enough to do to get bread—he
says, ‘Pooh, pooh, man! the poor are the best off of any people;
they’ve got no dignity to support, like gentlemen, and gentlemen
doctors.’”
“There’s something in that, though,” said Betty, “though you laugh at
it.”
“Ay,” said another man, “if they would na plague us wi’ lawyers and
doctors, we might do. There’s Lawyer Metthard been selling up poor
Judy Selston for rent, poor old soul, and now she must end her days
i’ th’ workhouse.”
“Oh, drat that Lawyer Metthard,” said Betty. “He should be called
Meteasy, for he’s only too easy to meet, and not so easy to get away
from.”
Betty’s sally was warmly applauded, and was sure to be reported all
over the parish. “But, Betty,” says another, “pr’ythee give me just a
spoonful more beer.”
Betty, who was an English female Eulenspiegel, though she never
had heard of him even in his English name of Owlinglass, and often
amused herself by taking people literally at their word, took up a
table-spoon, filled it with beer, and handed it to the astonished
labourer.
“Nay, Missis,” he said, “I did not mean to be so very exact.”
“Why, then, don’t people say what they do mean?” asked Betty,
gravely; “how is one to know?”
The laugh went round at the man’s expense; and Betty suddenly calls
out to a humorous-looking little man in a soldier’s old red jacket,
at the bottom of the table,—
“Well, Tom Boddily, so you are out of the House of Correction again,
I see.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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