Bildungsromans; Feminist fiction; Women -- Employment -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
“Not yet perhaps,—but in time, when I have proved how sincere my love
is, how entire my repentance for the ungenerous words you have not
forgotten. I wanted you then for my own sake, now I want you for
yourself, because I love and honor you above all women. I tried to
forget you, but I could not; and all these years have carried in my
heart a very tender memory of the girl who dared to tell me that all I
could offer her was not worth her love.”
“I was mistaken,” began Christie, finding this wooing much harder to
withstand than the other.
“No, you were right: I felt it then and resented it, but I owned it
later, and regretted it more bitterly than I can tell. I’m not worthy
of you; I never shall be: but I’ve loved you for five years without
hope, and I’ll wait five more if in the end you will come to me.
Christie, I need you very much!”
If Mr. Fletcher had gone down upon his knees and poured out the most
ardent protestations that ever left a lover’s lips, it would not have
touched her as did that last little appeal, uttered with a break in the
voice that once was so proud and was so humble now.
“Forgive me!” she cried, looking up at him with real respect in her
face, and real remorse smiting her conscience. “Forgive me! I have
misled you and myself. I tried to love you: I was grateful for your
regard, touched by your fidelity, and I hoped I might repay it; but I
cannot! I cannot!”
“Why?”
Such a hard question! She owed him all the truth, yet how could she
tell it? She could not in words, but her face did, for the color rose
and burned on cheeks and forehead with painful fervor; her eyes fell,
and her lips trembled as if endeavoring to keep down the secret that
was escaping against her will. A moment of silence as Mr. Fletcher
searched for the truth and found it; then he said with such sharp pain
in his voice that Christie’s heart ached at the sound:
“I see: I am too late?”
“Yes.”
“And there is no hope?”
“None.”
“Then there is nothing more for me to say but good-by. May you be
happy.”
“I shall not be;—I have no hope;—I only try to be true to you and to
myself. Oh, believe it, and pity me as I do you!”
As the words broke from Christie, she covered up her face, bowed down
with the weight of remorse that made her long to atone for what she had
done by any self-humiliation.
Mr. Fletcher was at his best at that moment; for real love ennobles the
worst and weakest while it lasts: but he could not resist the
temptation that confession offered him. He tried to be generous, but
the genuine virtue was not in him; he did want Christie very much, and
the knowledge of a rival in her heart only made her the dearer.
“I’m not content with your pity, sweet as it is: I want your love, and
I believe that I might earn it if you would let me try. You are all
alone, and life is hard to you: come to me and let me make it happier.
I’ll be satisfied with friendship till you can give me more.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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