Bildungsromans; Feminist fiction; Women -- Employment -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
He said this very tenderly, caressing the bent head while he spoke, and
trying to express by tone and gesture how eagerly he longed to receive
and cherish what that other man neglected.
Christie felt this to her heart’s core, and for a moment longed to end
the struggle, say, “Take me,” and accept the shadow for the substance.
But those last words of his vividly recalled the compact made with
David that happy birthday night. How could she be his friend if she was
Mr. Fletcher’s wife? She knew she could not be true to both, while her
heart reversed the sentiment she then would owe them: David’s
friendship was dearer than Philip’s love, and she would keep it at all
costs. These thoughts flashed through her mind in the drawing of a
breath, and she looked up, saying steadily in spite of wet eyes and
still burning cheeks:
“Hope nothing; wait for nothing from me. I will have no more delusions
for either of us: it is weak and wicked, for I know I shall not change.
Some time we may venture to be friends perhaps, but not now. Forgive
me, and be sure I shall suffer more than you for this mistake of mine.”
When she had denied his suit before he had been ungenerous and angry;
for his pride was hurt and his will thwarted: now his heart bled and
hope died hard; but all that was manliest in him rose to help him bear
the loss, for this love was genuine, and made him both just and kind.
His face was pale with the pain of that fruitless passion, and his
voice betrayed how hard he strove for self-control, as he said
hurriedly:
“You need not suffer: this mistake has given me the happiest hours of
my life, and I am better for having known so sweet and true a woman.
God bless you, Christie!” and with a quick embrace that startled her by
its suddenness and strength he left her, standing there alone before
the three grim Fates.
CHAPTER XV.
MIDSUMMER.
“Now it is all over. I shall never have another chance like that, and
must make up my mind to be a lonely and laborious spinster all my life.
Youth is going fast, and I have little in myself to attract or win,
though David did call me ‘good and lovely.’ Ah, well, I’ll try to
deserve his praise, and not let disappointment sour or sadden me.
Better to hope and wait all my life than marry without love.”
Christie often said this to herself during the hard days that followed
Mr. Fletcher’s disappearance; a disappearance, by the way, which caused
Mr. Power much satisfaction, though he only betrayed it by added
kindness to Christie, and in his manner an increased respect very
comforting to her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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