It had occurred to Lady Caroline Mansergh, on several occasions of
late, to wonder whether she was destined ever to experience the
passion called love. She had not remained ignorant of the science of
flirtation up to her present time of life, but she had not been
beguiled, ever so briefly, into mistaking any of her flirtations for
love. So she was accustomed to wonder wearily, when in an unusually
desultory mood, whether she should ever feel that there existed in the
world a human being for whom she should be willing to suffer, with
whom life would be happy, without whom it would be intolerable, and
whose welfare she could deliberately and practically prefer to her
own. Of late she had begun to think that Fate was against her in this
particular. The idea of the possibility of feeling love for one of the
men whom she was in the habit of meeting was quite preposterous; she
did not hold her favourite followers half so dear as Hassan, her black
barb, or like them half so well as Gelert, her greyhound. Her life
would doubtless continue to be the bright, fashionable, flimsy,
careless, rather _ennuyé_ existence it had hitherto been, and she
should never know anything of the power, the pain, the engrossing
influence of love. So much the better, she would think, in her more
hopeful moods; it must be a narrowing kind of influence, bounding all
one's horizon within such small limits, shutting up one's mortal vista
with one figure.
When the Lady Caroline dismissed her maid, and resigned herself to
reverie, on this night, it was not, after her accustomed fashion, to
dwell in her thoughts on the dulness, staleness, flatness, and
unprofitableness of the world in general, and the section of it in
which she lived in particular. She had quite a distinct subject for
thought, she had a figure and a face in her fancy, a voice in her
memory which filled them wholly. What if she had been wrong, if not
only love were coming to her, to fill her life with delight, and turn
its weariness with purpose and meaning, but love at first sight? A
ridiculous notion, entertained by school-girls, housemaids, novelists,
and poets, but scouted by all reasonable people of the world, and in
"society." She knew this, but she did not care; there was a strange
delicious thrill about her heart; and in the swift flight of her
thoughts she swept the beams of happy possibilities, and felt that she
could, and would, and did despise society and its notions on this
point.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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