"I have something to tell you which you must know at once. I can
approach the subject in no roundabout fashion, because I know it will
cause you a great shock, and it is better for you to know it at once.
I do not pretend to any doubt about the pain and grief which I am sure
it will cause you. I will tell you my reasons for the step I am about
to take when I tell you what I have already done. Walter, I have
broken my engagement with you. I have promised to marry Mr. Creswell.
"I write this to you at once, almost directly after he proposed to me,
and I have accepted him. Does it seem harsh and coarse in me to
announce this to you so immediately? Believe me, the announcement is
made from far different motives. I could not bear to be deceiving you.
You will sneer at this, and say I have been deceiving you all along. I
swear I have not. You will think that the very silence for which you
reproached me in the letter just received has been owing to my dislike
to tell you of the change in affairs. I swear it has not. I had no
idea until this morning that Mr. Creswell liked me in any especial
way; certainly none that he would ever ask me to become his wife.
"When he asked me, I had not had your letter. If I had, it would have
made no difference in the answer I made to Mr. Creswell, but it
deepens the pain with which I now write to you, showing me as it does,
to an extent which I did not before quite realise, the store which you
set by what is now lost to us for ever. I do not say this in excuse of
myself or my deeds; I have no excuse to make. I have tried, and tried
hard, to live in the position of life in which I have been placed. I
have struggled with poverty, and tried to face the future--which would
have been worse than poverty, penury, misery, want perhaps--with
calmness. I have failed. I cannot help it, it is my nature to love
money and all that money brings, to love comforts and luxuries, to
shrink from privation. Had I gone straight from my father's deathbed
to your house as your wife, I might perhaps have battled on; but we
came here, and--I cannot go back. You will be far happier without me
when your first shock is over. I should have been an impossible wife
for a poor man, I know I should--complaining, peevish, irritable; ever
repining at my poverty, ever envying the wealth of others. You are
better without me, Walter, you are indeed! Our ways of life will be
very different, and we shall never come across each other in any
probability. If we should, I hope we shall meet as friends. I am sure
it will not be very long before you recognise the wisdom of the course
I am now taking, and are grateful to me for having taken it. You are
full of talent, which you will now doubtless turn to good account, and
of worthy aspirations, which you will find some one to sympathise
with, and share the upward career which I am sure is before you. I
thought I could have done as much at one time, but I know now that I
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