No; she could not do that. She was growing calmer now; her tears had
ceased to flow, and she was walking about the room, thinking the
matter out. No; even suppose--well, this proposal had not been made:
it would have been impossible to move Mrs. Ashurst in her then state
to Berlin, and she could not have gone without her; so that Walter
must either have gone alone, or the marriage must have been deferred.
And then the income--four hundred a year. It was very good, no doubt,
in comparison to what they had been existing on since papa's
death--very superior to anything they could have expected, quite a
sufficiency for one or two young people to begin life upon; but for
three, and the third one an invalid, in a foreign country? No; it was
quite impossible. Marian looked round the room as she said these
words; her eyes lighted on the bright furniture, the pretty prints
that adorned the walls, the elegant ornaments and nick-nacks scattered
about, the hundred evidences of wealth and taste which were henceforth
to be at her entire command, and repeated, "Quite impossible!" more
decisively than before. By this time she was quite herself again, had
removed every trace of her recent discomposure, and had made up her
mind definitively as to her future. Only one thing troubled her,--what
should be her immediate treatment of Walter Joyce? Should she ignore
the receipt of his letter, leave it unanswered, take the chance of
his understanding from her silence that all was over between them?
Or should she write to him, telling him exactly what had
happened--putting it, of course, in the least objectionable way for
herself? Or should she temporise, giving her mother's delicate state
of health and impossibility of removal abroad as the ground of her
declining to be married at once, as he required, and beginning by
various hints, which she thought she could manage cleverly enough, to
pave the way for the announcement, to be delayed as long as
practicable, that their engagement was over, and that she was going to
marry some one else? At first she was strongly inclined to act upon
the last of these three motives, thinking that it would be easier to
screen herself, or at all events to bear the brunt of Joyce's anger
when he was abroad. But after a little consideration, a better spirit
came over her. She had to do what was a bad thing at best; she would
do it in the least offensive manner possible,--she would write to him.
She sat down at the little ink-bespattered, old-fashioned writing-desk
which she had had for so many years, on which she had written so often
to her lover, and which contained a little packet of his letters,
breathing of hope and trust and deep-rooted affection in every line,
and wrote--
"Woolgreaves, Sunday.
"MY DEAR WALTER,
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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