All these things around her, men and women had called real; but to her
they seemed very unreal. She had been brought into the world and set
down among them without a voice or a hand in the making. Reality, this?
Far from it. Why, the very food they ate was not what it seemed, the
roof overhead but a creation, and for all she knew her own clothing
might be the merest makeshift as against a real, a truly penetrating
eye. These, then, were but resulting products, and of what? Ideality?
Her own soul cried aloud for something better, purer, and more certain
than all these sordid trappings of man's little endeavor. There must be
an ethereal, a state transfixed--of earth, but infinite--and could she
only resolve its quantity the elements had afforded a way; the sun, the
moon, the stars, the earth and all that there is upon it were but the
atoms of an endless progression, fixed and apportioned by the same
compelling, abiding agency that had touched her and bound her when
confronted with a natural and unhindered attraction.
The mountain-top hung high above: she wanted to get there, to some place
far away from vulgar witnessing, and there seek communion with the
spirit that seemed so near yet nowhere within reach. Man had brought
forth nothing not deceptive, failed utterly of conception--a province
wholly within the grasp of woman, the more her reason.
Having at last resolved to press the quest alone and untrammelled,
Yodogima ran out and along the narrow veranda to the long, smooth-worn
steps that wound up and around the mountain-side to its summit in the
background. The climb was not a hard one, and as she went she remarked
the usefulness to which the hand of man really had been put. Yet there
seemed a want of guidance, and upon arriving at a deserted temple the
poverty of his understanding became the more painfully apparent.
History recorded ages and cycles of crowding and striving and yet how
much had been done to show that anything more than nature had inhabited
this earth? A few houses, here and there a crooked, stumbling highway,
now and then a ship at sea, all temporary, and so little of beauty!
Really it seemed a pity that so much good rich blood and vain high
sounding words had been expended upon nothing more than barely living:
then, approaching the summit, nearer and nearer, his track or touch
began to disappear, presently became extinct, and no such delight had
entered her heart, save once before. Heaven, limitless and real,
encouraging the utmost within her, seemed a thing of consequence; and
the earth receding and vanishing and lost, with its humdrum and vanity
but an atom engulfed, were as if a memory-disappearing and forgotten
over against the invisible grind of a molten, seething yesterday.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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