"That's better," said Mr. Yollop, his face brightening. "I was
'afraid my hearing had got worse without my knowing it. All you have
to do is to enunciate distinctly and speak slowly like that,--as if
you were isolating the words,--so to speak,--and I can make out
everything you say. What were you calling yourself?"
"Oh, just a lot of names. I'd sooner not repeat 'em if there's any
women in the house."
"Well, bless my soul, that's uncommonly thoughtful of you. My sister
and her young daughter are here to spend the holidays with me. They
sleep at the back of the apartment. Now, if you will just remain as
you are,--I dare say you'd better put up the other hand, too, if you
can spare it,--I will back up to the table here and get my listening
apparatus. Now you won't have to shout so. I don't know much about
revolvers, but I assume that all one has to do to make it go off is
to press rather firmly on this little contrivance--"
"Yes! But DON'T!"
"Not so loud! Not so loud! I'm not as deaf as all that. And don't
move! I give you fair warning. Watch me closely. If you see me shut
my eyes, you will know I'm going to shoot. Remember that, will you?
The instant you detect the slightest indication that my eyes are
about to close,--dodge!"
"By thunder,--I--I wonder if you're as much of a blame fool as you
seem to be,--or are you just playing horse with me," muttered the
victim, as he raised his other hand. "I'd give ten years of my life
to know,--"
"I won't be a second," announced Mr. Yollop, backing gingerly toward
the table. With his free hand he felt for and found the rather
elaborate contraption that furnished him with the means to
counteract his auricular deficiencies. The hand holding the revolver
wobbled a bit; nevertheless, the little black hole at which the
dazed robber stared as if fascinated was amazingly steadfast in its
regard for the second or perhaps the third button of his coat. "It's
a rather complicated arrangement," he went on to explain, "but very
simple once you get it adjusted to the ear. It took me some time to
get used to wearing this steel band over the top of my head. I never
have tried to put it on with one hand before. Amazing how awkward
one can be with his left hand, isn't it? Now, you see how it goes.
This little receiver business clamps right down to the ear,--so.
Then this disc hangs over my chest--and you talk right at it. For
awhile I made a practice of concealing it under my vest, being
somewhat sensitive about having strangers see that I am deaf, but
one day my niece, a very bright child often, asked me why I did it.
I told her it was because I didn't want people to know I was deaf.
Have you ever felt so foolish that you wanted to kick yourself all
over town? Well, then you know how I felt when that blessed infant
pointed to this thing on my ear and--What say?"
"I say, that's the way I've been feeling ever since I came to,"
repeated the disgusted burglar.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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