Humorous stories; United States -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
Uncle Peter resented the unexpected arrival of these strangers,
because he wanted to sit around and have the home folks tell him
how sick he was.
"I'd like to know what Bunch Jefferson means by sending his
relatives over to us on a Sunday evening," my wife's uncle snapped.
"Why doesn't he worry old Bill Grey with them, eh? It's bad enough
for me to have to sneeze my head off before my own people, but I'll
be dod bimmed if I'm going to sit around the parlor and play solos
on my bronchial tubes for the edification of strangers--no, sir!"
Uncle Peter sniffled off to his apartments, and Peaches said she'd
try to entertain the visitors.
I concluded to help her some.
Skinski arose from the sofa and greeted us with his most elaborate
bow.
Ma'moselle Dodo didn't Society very much.
She sat in the middle of the room and sang soft lullabys to a
hold-over.
"Mr. Jefferson, my nephew," Skinski was saying, "insisted that we
should hit the suburban trail and locate your shack. Here's a note
from nephew Bunch for you."
Skinski handed me the note with a face as solemn as a
monkey-wrench, and I read it:
CITY, Sunday P.M.
DEAR JOHN--I send herewith the two rosebuds. As a favor to your
old pal please treat my beloved relatives with every consideration
and make a fuss over them. You know you told them in the
restaurant to come and see you. They want to make good and will
stay a week if you insist.
With kindest regards,
BUNCH.
P. S. Don't drag Aunt Flora into any literary discussions--she
might hand you something. Her favorite author is Pommery Sec., the
chap who writes all those frothy books.
B.
"I wish you could have seen our place in the day-time," Peaches was
saying to Skinski when I finished reading Bunch's get-back. "We
think it's delightful out here. Did you, have much trouble in
finding the place?"
"Nay, lady fair," Skinski replied; "no trouble at all. Nephew
Bunch came as far as the front door with us."
"What!" exclaimed the astonished Peaches.
"Yes," Skinski concluded; "he even saved us the hardship of ringing
the bell. Oh! he's a thoughtful relative, Bunch is."
Clara J. looked at me, I looked at Skinski, he looked at Dodo, and
she looked at the piano and said thoughtfully, "You betcher sweet!"
"The idea of Bunch coming to our front door and then rushing off
again without seeing anybody," gasped Peaches, "what does it mean?"
"Alice lives only half a mile away and possibly Bunch was running
behind his schedule," I suggested.
Just then Aunt Martha and Uncle Peter came in the parlor, and
presently I grabbed a chance to say a few words to Skinski on the
side:
"If my family circle ever gets wise that you and the Queen of
Laughter over there are excess baggage it'll be to the cabbage
patch for mine," I whispered.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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