You no longer count (Tu n'es plus rien!)Boylesve, René
General
You no longer count (Tu n'es plus rien!)
Boylesve, René
World War, 1914-1918 -- Fiction
Odette had received letters from Jean. How could Jean be in such a fiery
furnace? And how had she been able to endure the thought? But many
things once believed impossible were beginning to be recognized as
possible. Jean was enduring his fatigues, and everything in him was
taking on a new character. She had found him not such as he had been on
his return from the manœuvres, but a man exalted above himself, who
seemed to have transcended his own height, however he might try to
appear simply his usual charming self. She could divine his sufferings,
and yet she felt him to be happy. Odette had even come to think: "How
little he needs me!" She had returned to Paris that she might receive
his letters more promptly. But he appeared no longer to have any notion
of time. That was because he was no longer master of his time. Odette
was always writing to him as to an isolated being, who could do with
himself as he liked. Without intending it, he would reply to her letters
as if he were one who had no individual existence, a man carried away by
something greater than himself, something which alone counted. She had
not yet been able to understand, and she had gently reproached Jean for
neglecting her.
And yet Odette's perpetual anxiety had been gradually growing less; she
was already gaining confidence. Jean had passed through so many dangers!
She had begun to believe in a possible immunity. How many men had been
in the midst of wars through all a long life, and yet had died in bed,
surrounded by their families!
Then, suddenly, one fine morning in the second fortnight of September
Odette, still in bed, had heard the door-bell at an hour when seldom any
one came to the front door. Amelia, her own maid, who had answered the
bell, had rushed, breathless, to her mistress:
"Madame! it is Madame de Prans who insists upon seeing Madame!"
From her bed Odette had called out: "Come in, Simone, come right in!"
Simone de Prans had brought tidings of Jean. She had received them from
dear Pierrot, her husband, who had been sent to Paris for twenty-four
hours on a mission.
Tidings of Jean? But, to begin with, they were satisfactory?
How?--satisfactory? Well, she could say that they were not bad. But "not
bad" is not good! No, but one must not exaggerate things. In short,
half-admissions, denials, returns upon the question, openings left for
hope, equivocal utterances, embarrassments of which Odette soon ceased
to be the dupe. And she had had courage to say, suddenly:
"My little Simone, you dare not acknowledge that the greatest of
calamities has befallen me."
It was at that moment of half-wakefulness during which all these
previous events had passed before her memory, that Odette suddenly came
broad awake. She uttered a great cry, and every one in the next room
came running.
But now, after all, Odette refused to believe the dreadful fact which
she herself had divined! She declared that it could not be, it was "too
unjust."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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