YOU SHOULD WORRY SAYS JOHN HENRY by GEORGE V. HOBART Illustrations by Edward Carey G. W. Dillingham Company Publishers New York Copyright, 1914, by G. W. Dillingham Company All rights reserved The author reserves all stage rights, which includes moving pictures. Any infringement of copyright will be dealt with according to law. _You Should Worry_ Press of J. J. Little & Ives Co. New York CONTENTS CHAPTER PAGE I. You Should Worry About a Tango Lesson 5 II. You Should Worry About an Automobile 28 III. You Should Worry About Dieting 45 IV. You Should Worry About Getting a Goat 64 V. You Should Worry About Being in Love 78 VI. You Should Worry About Snap-Shots 97 VII. You Should Worry About the Servants 108 VIII. You Should Worry About Auction Bridge 130 IX. You Should Worry About Getting the Grip 142 X. You Should Worry About a Musical Evening 158 YOU SHOULD WORRY CHAPTER I YOU SHOULD WORRY ABOUT A TANGO LESSON The idea originated with Bunch Jefferson. You can always count on Bunch having a few freak ideas in the belfry where he keeps his butterflies. Bunch and his wife, Alice, live out in Westchester County, about half a mile from Uncle Peter's bungalow, where friend wife and I are spending the winter. The fact that Uncle Peter and Aunt Martha had decided to give us a party was the inspiration for Bunch's brilliant idea. "Listen, John," he Macchiavellied; "not one of this push out here knows a thing about the Tango. Most of them have a foolish idea that it's a wicked institution invented by the devil, who sold his patent rights to the Evil-Doers' Association. Now, I'll tell you what we'll do, John: we'll put them wise. We'll take about two lessons from a good instructor in town and on the night of the party we'll make the hit of our lives teaching them all to Tango--are you James to the possibilities?" "It listens like a good spiel," I agreed; "but will a couple of lessons be enough for us?" "Sure," he came back; "we're not a couple of Patsys with the pumps! We can learn enough in two lessons to make good in this Boob community. Why, we'll start a Tango craze out here that will put life and ginger in the whole outfit and presently they'll be putting up statues in our honor." Well, to make a long story lose its cunning, we made arrangements next day with Ikey Schwartz, Dancing Instructor, to explain the mysteries of this modern home-wrecking proposition known as the Tango, and paid him in advance the sum of $100. It seemed to me that a hundred iron men in advance was a nifty little price for two lessons, but Bunch assured me the price was reasonable on account of the prevalence of rich scholars willing to divide their patrimony with anybody who could teach their feet to behave in time to the music.