"Isn't that a peach of a handle for a kitchen queen with a map like the Borough of The Bronx on a dark night? "She came here well recommended--by herself. She said she knew how to cook backwards. "We believed her after the first meal, because that's how she cooked it. "Phyllis was a very inventive girl. She could cook anything on earth or in the waters underneath the earth, and she proved it by trying to mix tenpenny nails with the baked beans. "When Phyllis found there was no shredded oats in the house for breakfast she changed the cover of the wash tub into sawdust and sprinkled it with the whisk-broom, chopped fine. "It wasn't a half bad breakfast food of the home-made kind, but every time I took a drink of water the sawdust used to float up in my throat and tickle me. "The first and only day she was with us Phyllis squandered two dollars worth of eggs trying to make a lemon meringue pie. "She tried to be artistic with this, but one of the eggs was old and nervous and it slipped. "Uncle Peter asked Phyllis if she could cook some Hungarian goulash and Phyllis screamed, 'No; my parents have been Swedes all their lives!' Then she ran him across the lawn with the carving knife. "Aunt Martha went in the kitchen to ask what was for dinner and Phyllis got back at her, 'Im a woman, it is true, but I will show you that I can keep a secret!' "When the meal came on the table we were compelled to keep the secret with her. "It looked like Irish stew, tasted like clam chowder, and behaved like a bad boy. "On the second day it suddenly occurred to Phyllis that she was working, so she handed in her resignation, handed Hank, the gardener, a jolt in his café department, handed out a lot of unnecessary talk, and left us flat. "The next rebate we had in the kitchen was a colored man named James Buchanan Pendergrast. "James was all there is and carry four. He was one of the most careful cooks that ever made faces at the roast beef. "The evening he arrived we intended to have shad roe for dinner and James informed us that that was where he lived. "Eight o'clock came and no dinner. Then Aunt Martha went in the kitchen to convince him that we were human beings with appetites. "She found Careful James counting the roe to see if the fish dealer had sent the right number. "He was up to 2,196,493 and still had a half pound to go. "James left that night followed by shouts of approval from all present. "I'm telling you all this, Hep, just to prove that Fate is kind while it delays your wedding until some genius invents an automatic cook made of aluminum and electricity." Hep laughed and shook his head. "The servant problem won't delay my wedding," he chortled; "if there wasn't a cook left in the world we wouldn't care; we're going to be vegetarians because we're going to live in the Garden of Eden." "Tush!" I snickered. "Tush, yourself!" said Hep.